It's NOT Organization XIV!
by Startix-Master of the NoLess
Summary: When an artistic new member joins the Organization, bringing along his own powers and a new species, what is to occur? Destruction and total chaos, 'o course! Rated M for swearing, just to be safe. ABANDONED
1. A New Member

It's NOT Organization XIV!!!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

Chapter One: A New Member!

**One day in the World That Never Was… **

"Pull!" A large card _fwipped_ threw the air. Xigbar raised his gun and fired.

BLAM!

A perfectly shaped round, smoking hole appeared in the middle of the card and floated down…amongst the other 50.

"Xig, can we stop?" Luxord pleaded. "I'm down to one card! And it's my most favorite one!"

"TOUGH COOKIES, JACK!" Luxord raised an eyebrow at the strange comment.

"I'm bored, so you've got to do what I say. And when I say pull, I MEAN _PULL_!"

"……"

"LUXORD!"

"Oh, you meant now?" replied the young gambler with an innocent smile.

Cursing loudly, Xigbar dropped his guns, walked over to Luxord and grabbed him by his collar.

"You're screwing with me…aren't you?"

"Well, not in that sense, but if you want to, there's a room in the Castle I've been keeping a secret from Xemnas…" replied Luxord, smiling seductively.

Disgusted, Xigbar threw Luxord into the air, grabbed both his guns off the ground and fired.

BLAM!! BLAM!!

"ARGH!! My flesh bars!"

"Pull." chuckled Xigbar, smirking.

**High up in the Living Room That Never Was… **

"Sounds like Xigbar and Luxord are fighting again." muttered Demyx, strumming his sitar.

"Well, what do you expect? Opposites do attract." replied Roxas, polishing his Oathkeeper. "Those two are like Axel and you: fire and water."

"Hmm." nodded the Melodious Nocturne, absentmindedly strumming his instrument. "Speaking of which, where is the little red dharma anyway?"

KRA-KOOM!!

"Gah! Larxene, I swear, I didn't do it!"

"BULLSHIT!! WHO ELSE COULD'VE LEFT SCORCH MARKS ON MY DRESSER DRAWER?! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY—"

Demyx quickly put his hands over the young Keyblade master's ears. My goodness, such language between those two…

Roxas yanked off Demyx's hands. "What did you do that for? What does Axel have that Larxene wants back so badly?"

"You're too young." replied the musician. "What do you mean, I'm too—"

His voice was drowned out as Demyx began singing very loudly. "MOVE YOURSELF! ALWAYS LIVE YOUR LIFE! NEVER THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE…!!"

Sighing, Roxas pushed it out of his mind and went back to polishing.

**In Xemnas's Office… **

Groaning, the Superior banged his head on the table in front of him. Why? _WHY_ couldn't he find a new member? I mean, sure, Roxas was great to have around; the spiky-haired baking genius could whip up a chocolate cake that would make you have an orgy, but it was starting to become stale having only thirteen people in a giant castle.

On top of that, Xemnas was feeling lonely.

I mean, enough to sneak into Axel's room and cuddle up against him while he was sleeping.

This not only freaked out the fire-wielder, but led to a series of awkward glances every week or so.

Muttering to himself, Xemnas buzzed in his last chance. The one before that had been Stitch, and the freakish alien/koala combo had nearly destroyed the whole damn office. He was silently hoping this one would be just as bad so that he could get this 'Q & Flay' over with.

"Zexion, send in the next one." "Roger." said the bloodhound-like Nobody, and buzzed in the last person.

A small child, no bigger than Roxas, stepped through the door. His hair was lime green with streaks of yellow and fell down to his back, almost like a girl's. He had on the Organization's cloak, but large, yellow shoes.

On his back was a giant paintbrush with a blue, green and orange-striped handle, approximately, the size of Xemnas himself, with a ring on the end. His eyes were crystal-blue and the symbol for Nobodies was over his left one.

"Hiya!" he said cheerfully. "My name's Startix. I'm here about the membership?"

Xemnas nodded. It looked like he actually found a suitable candidate! Sure, he was a midget, but he looked promising. His name even had an 'x' in it.

"Very well, Startix. Exactly what makes you think you are qualified to be a member of Organization XIII?"

"Well, aside from having an 'x' in my name and being a Nobody, I've got a really cool weapon!" Startix pulled off the paintbrush.

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "You call that RoseArt® byproduct a weapon?" "Yes, I do! Watch and be amazed!"

He grasped the brush and waved it in the air, the empty space leaving marks as though it were an open canvas. When he was finished, he had painted a perfect copy of Xemnas.

"Bravo...but how is _this_ helpful?" The little artist smiled and snapped his fingers. The painting jumped to life and glared at the shocked Superior. "More like how are _you_ helpful, Femnas?"

"WHAT!?" roared the outraged man. Startix laughed uncontrollably. "See? Anything I draw I can make real. So, do I get in?"

Xemnas smiled. "Okay, I'll give you the membership. _If_ you can prove yourself."

Startix smiled goofily and saluted the man. "Tell me where it's at and I'll do it just like that!"

"You must steal an item from each member of the Organization, including me, and bring it back here, without getting caught. If you can do that, you're in."

Startix snapped his fingers again, causing the copy of Xemnas to disappear. "No problem! But what items should I steal?"

Xemnas shrugged. "How should I know? Anything that belongs to them."

"Okey-dokey!" He plunged his paintbrush into the ground, disappearing in an instant.

Xemnas sighed contentedly. It looked like he found his diamond in the rough at last. If all this went well, then he would finally have someone to comfort him late at night. (I would like to take this time to say that I do not think Xemnas is gay. It's just funny as HELL to make him seem like that.)

**Back in the Living Room That Never Was… **

Demyx was wondering on what would be a better theme song for him, 'Stand Out' or the 'Happy Song', when a loud shriek ripped through the whole castle. One of the strings on his sitar snapped off.

Pissed, Demyx ripped open the door just in time for Larxene to tackle him. "What in God's name—"

"Demyx, you've got to help!" The water manipulator couldn't believe his ears. Surely he must be spending too much time in the castle. Larxene, the Savage Nymph, the sadist to end all sadists, all of Stephen King's books personified…was asking him…for help.

Good Lord, the situation must be _dire_. Sighing, Demyx stroked the woman's hair softly. "What's wrong, Larxy?"

She leaned up and whispered into Demyx's ear. A large blush quickly spread over his cheeks. "They took THAT?!" "Uh-huh." sniffled Larxene, several tears rolling down her face.

"Ah…well, do you know who took it?" "I just know it's Axel. That sick little pervert's been trying for forever."

"Oh, come on, Axel's not that bad. I mean, there are plenty of times where he proved that he wasn't a pervert."

"Name one time." stated the twelfth. Demyx thought for a bit. "Well…um…well, he…no…er…okay, maybe you're right. But he's not that crazy."

"Well, who else could it have been? Roxas?" They both turned to the boy, who began sweating nervously. Suddenly, he whipped his arm out and looked at his wrist.

"Gee, would ya look at the time! I've gotta go…um…bake something! Yeah. You know how cranky Xemnas gets without his sweets."

Roxas was thankful right now that looks couldn't kill, because Larxene was giving him a glare that could've scared Saïx.

"You're not wearing a watch, you little brat. YOU TOOK IT, DIDN'T YOU?! _DIDN'T YOU?!!"_ "I DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!" cried Roxas, running out the window. A very loud thump was heard thereafter.

Only when Roxas was gone and Larxene had regained her composure (that is to say, cried until Demyx's shirt was soaked) did said member notice something.

"Hey…where's my sitar?"

**In the Den That Never Was (Screw this, I'm getting tired of adding the 'That Never Was' to every room.)… **

Vexen and Marluxia were currently hard at work. Doing what you ask? Perfecting new techniques to bring down Sora? Experimenting on more innocents to see how their hearts worked? Feeding Marluxia's plants?

Nothing of the sort. They were making…smoothies.

………Smoothies.

"Okay," said Vexen, grinding a rather large block of ice against a cheese grater. "It says here for the final ingredient, we need a golden banana. …A gold banana. Well, isn't that just PEACHY!"

"Actually, Vexen," said Marluxia, flipping through the list. "We've got more than enough peaches right now." Smacking his accomplice upside the head, Vexen began wondering how he could get a golden banana.

Suddenly, he got an idea. "Hey, Mar, can't you grow a banana tree really quick?" "Why should I?" he shot back, rubbing the spot where Vexen hit him, a small tear coming out of his eye. "It's not nice to hit people."

Vexen's eyes narrowed. "Really? Then let me tell you something. You will grow a MOTHERFUCKING banana tree, even if you have to shove the seed, fertilizer, water, and God knows what up your ass. You will like it, and if you don't, then may the LORD help you, because I will personally ICE every single plant in your room and beat you to death with your own scythe. Am I clear?"

"C-crystal." stammered the frightened flower user. "Good. I'm _ever_ so glad we could come to this understanding."

He reached for his shield to summon more ice, when he noticed it was missing. "The frick? What happened to my shield?" "And what happened to my scythe?!" screamed Marluxia.

**Back with Xigbar… **

Xigbar was currently carrying a half-dead Luxord over his back. He shook his head in pity. "He can turn someone into dice or cards, but he can't take two bullets to the ribs." Suddenly, a large _whooshing_ sound was heard and he whipped around.

The only card that Xigbar hadn't shot was gone and one of his guns was missing. "Hell no!" screamed the Freeshooter. "Who took my gun?!"

**In the Kitchen… **

Xaldin was whistling to himself, spreading peanut butter (the creamy kind) on a sesame seed bagel and brewing a cup of coffee, when a rather loud cry reached his ears.

"XALDIN!!" Shit. thought Xaldin. That's Xigbar's voice! He must know what I stole from him… Forgetting his breakfast for now, the Whirlwind Lancer dove into the closet, locking the door desperately trying to hide himself.

Not easy because his lances stood in front of the door, swirling around like a demented six-piece blending machine. Damn them and the sick blacksmith who created them.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! I CAN SMELL YOUR FEAR!!" Who is he, Zexion? thought the third.

BLAM!!

The door to the kitchen was blown down and a pissed off Xigbar stood in the doorway, the Gambler of Fate slung over his shoulder like a wounded animal.

"You know, you can just come out right now and make this easier on yourself." Yeah, thought Xaldin. And if I do come out, he'll just kill me quicker.

"Okay…if you won't come out, then I'll huff…Xigbar takes in a deep breath…and I'll PUFF…another breath, and he then pulls out his gun…AND I'LL BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN!!!!"

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

Praying that Xigbar's aim was deteriorating in his old age, Xaldin knelt down, only to notice through the cracks of the closet door that one of his lances was gone. Oh, that's just GREAT! Now all I need is for—

The closet door whipped open and Xigbar hovered over Xaldin like some kind of deranged hawk.

"Found ya." said the Freeshooter, leering down on the frightened member. "Oh, _fuck_ me."

**In Zexion's room.. **

The Cloaked Schemer was busy enjoying one of his rare moments of peace in the Castle That Never Was, reading his newspaper. He had just finished reading through the obituaries (much to his chagrin, there were no ironic deaths) and was about to flip to the personals when a bullet hole appeared in his paper.

Startled, Zexion turned behind him to see a smoking hole in his wall. Peering through it, he could barely make out Xigbar chasing Xaldin around the kitchen.

"Come on, Xal, I just wanna make you go POP!" (1) Zexion raised his eyebrow. "Xigbar, PLEASE!! If you wanted your diary back so bad, you could've asked!" Both of Zexion's eyebrows were raised now. Xigbar has a diary? Wasn't that a _delightful_ tidbit of information? He was just about to report this to Xemnas when he was struck from behind by a large, heavy object.

**About an hour later… **

Startix stood in Xemnas' office, presenting the stolen objects on his desk.

First was Vexen's shield.

Next was one of Xigbar's guns.

Then one of Xaldin's lances.

Third was Luxord's 52nd card.

Fourth was Saïx's claymore.

After that it was one of Axel's chakram.

Then it was Marluxia's scythe.

Seventh was Lexaeus' tomahawk.

Eighth was a large lock of Zexion's hair.

Ninth was Roxas' Oblivion Keyblade.

Eleventh was Demyx's sitar.

And last was a teddy bear with Xemnas' name under it. ……0o

Xemnas looked at the objects in shock. "Amazing! How did you manage to get all of these?" Startix smiled maliciously. "By not getting caught. It's easy to take something when the targets are preoccupied. So, I'm in, right?"

Xemnas nodded, quickly snatching his teddy bear off the table. "Sure. From this day you will be known as…the Artistic Wonder, Startix!! Welcome to Organization XIII!"

"Fresh!" yelled the new member, jumping in the air. Xemnas smiled. "You report back here to receive your mission objective at 0730 in the morning. Dismissed!"

Ecstatic, Startix was about to leave, when the leader noticed something. "Wait a second, you didn't get something from Larxene!"

Startix turned around with a sly smile. "Oh, I did. Look under the tomahawk." And he left. Confused, the Superior looked under the massive weapon, and saw something pink, soft and lacy, with a tiny panda's face on the front.

It also had Larxene's name inside it written in black marker.

"…This kid is _good_."

* * *

Oh, I am so deliciously evil. And in case your wondering, yes, there will be a Demyx/Larxene pairing in the future. For those that say water and electricity don't mix, BITE ME! Whoo, sorry, lost control there for a sec. ♪Bet ya can't guess what Startix stole from Larxene!♪ Did I make Vexen seem to OOC?

(1) This came from VG Cats, a freaking hilarious Net comic that makes fun of anything relating to video games, anime, manga, generic TV shows and even cell phones. It was when Red Link went insane in Four Swords and blew up Green Link, wearing his head as a hat…with the lower jaw ripped out. Weird. But cool. Review or not, it's up to you. CC is welcome, too!

* * *


	2. Pairings of the WORST Kind

It's NOT Organization XIV!!!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter 2: Pairings of the WORST Kind**

It was the next morning in the World That Never Was, and Demyx was hungry. Really, really hungry. So, trying his best to get rid of the pangs in his stomach, he opened a portal to the kitchen.

He was shocked (and a little creeped out) to see Xaldin passed out on the counter in nothing but his boxers with purple and gold hearts painted all over him.

"Ooooookaaaaay." Trying to push the image out of his head, he looked in the fridge. He saw a small object covered in aluminum foil. On it was a strip of tape, and written on it were the words 'Don't Touch'. Grinning, Demyx (of course) picked up the item. Underneath it was written 'This Means YOU, Demyx'.

Scowling, he unraveled the foil, to see a small beaker with a thick, rainbow-colored liquid in it. "What have we here? This must be that new smoothie recipe that Vexen and Mar came up with. Sweet!"

Ripping open the bottle, Demyx guzzled the drink in record time.

Unbeknownst to him, the smoothie makers were hiding behind the couch, watching the foolish musician drink their concoction. "I told you he'd do it." whispered Marluxia. "Pay up." Cursing silently, Vexen slipped a $10 into the flower user's outstretched hand. "Yeah, whatever. Let's see if it works."

Demyx suddenly felt very weird. His stomach was churning, and he felt nauseated. Holding onto his stomach, he made a mad dash to the Bathroom That Never Was.

Or Won't Be when Demyx is done with it.

"Wow, Demyx can _run_." exclaimed Marluxia in awe. Vexen just smiled. "Well, at least now we know it works. Mar, get the recipe, I'm gonna make one for Axel."

Marluxia started sweating nervously. "Um…Vexen?" "_YES…_" hissed the Chilly Academic, knowing what was coming. "I kinda…lost the recipe somewhere." Vexen smiled, which scared the hell out of Marluxia. "That's what I thought. YOU FUCKING MORON!!!" Vexen then jumped on the Graceful Assassin and began strangling him.

"Help!" screamed the eleventh. "Rape!" "Oh, I'll do WORSE than that, you little weed!"

**In Xemnas' Office…**

Startix sat in a small chair waiting patiently for Xemnas to show up. Where he was, no one knew, except he said it was important and if anyone interfered they would be turned into a Dusk on sight.

The Artistic Wonder let out a sigh of relief when Xemnas teleported in, holding a piece of paper in his hand. Handing it to Startix, he cleared his throat.

"Your mission is written on that slip." Startix looked at it strangely. "For a good time, call 745-26—"(2) "Whoops!" said Xemnas, blushing and quickly snatching the paper away. "Sorry, that's just a little joke." The Superior reached into his left pocket and pulled out another paper.

"_That's_ your mission objective. Axel's going to tour you around the Castle." "Axel? Wasn't that the guy with the red hair and the chakram?"

"Yes. One moment." Xemnas took a deep breath. "AXEL!!" boomed the Superior. In a burst of flame, said member appeared in the middle of the office. "You rang?" he said, twisting his finger in his ear.

He pointed at Startix, who waved happily. "This is our new recruit. Startix, Axel. Axel, Startix." "Yo." Said Axel, waving back to him. "The name's Axel. That's A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

Startix nodded and held his hand out. "Pleasure ta meet ya, Axeman!" Grinning, Axel shook Startix's hand. "I like this kid already. Okay, pal, on with the tour!" And they both warped out, leaving Xemnas alone. His eyes shifted back and forth. When he was sure he was alone, he reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the 'prize' Startix had stolen from Larxene yesterday.

"I really hope this kid stays." whispered Xemnas to no one in particular, squeezing the piece of cotton in between his fingers. "Another one of these would be heaven…"

**With Axel and Startix…**

"…And this is the Kitchen, where you'll almost always find Xaldin. He's a pretty big eater. On the other side is Zexion's room, otherwise known as Kid Emo." "Doesn't Demyx have a room?" queried the new member. "Of course. You could hear him in there from Wonderland. Why?"

Startix smiled and clasped his hands behind his back as he swayed back and forth. "Oh, I just wanna meet him is all…"

Axel pointed down a long hallway that led to an aqua door. "That's his room right there. If you need anything, give me a call." Startix nodded and Axel disappeared in a column of flame. Snickering to himself, Startix followed the path down to Demyx's room. He whisked open the door to witness a major shock.

Demyx was passed out, and lying on top of an almost unconscious Larxene, who was only dressed in her bra and panties. "Oh, Demyx…" she moaned, snuggling closer to him. "Play for me one more time…" Holding back snickers, Startix drew a camera in the air, and snapped his fingers, letting it materialize in his hand. "This is gold." He then focused the camera at the two lovers. "And now it's totally saved as irrefutable proof. Cha-ching!"

"What are you doing?" Jumping nearly a foot in the air, Startix spun around to face Axel. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Your first day here and you're already causing trouble." The Wonder lowered his head in shame. "Kid, you and me are gonna get along just fine." Startix looked back up at him with a look of confusion and happiness. "Gimme the camera for a sec."

"With pleasure."

**We now join Luxord and Marluxia, who are sitting in the family room, going over the bruises they each got from their abusive partners...**

"Y'know," whimpered Marluxia. "Vexen beat me with my scythe. If that isn't enough, he…_pinched_ me with it…" Luxord shuddered. "That's tame compared to what he did to me. He shoved my lucky dice somewhere. …Somewhere…HORRIBLE…" A loud, piercing shriek rang through the castle, even causing the bandages Luxord was using to patch up his scars to curl and shrivel up.

"YOU LITTLE BRAT! HOW _DARE_ YOU INVADE BOTH MINE AND DEMYX'S PRIVACY! I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE BORN A HEARTLESS!!!" "That must be Larxene. What's up with her now?" Vexen never responded, because a zipper suddenly materialized on the door, and Startix jumped through it. In his hand was a picture.

"Think fast." He said, and tossed it to Marluxia. He then twirled his paintbrush in the air and disappeared.

Larxene burst through the zipper, her hands filled with her thunder kunai. Snapping her head to Luxord, she let out an inhuman roar. "WHERE IS HE?!!" Demyx stepped through the shattered door, looking nervous. "Um, Lar? Maybe you should relax. It was probably just a prank." "Demyx, you know I adore you, but right now I want to find the sick midget who took pictures of us and castrate him. That's all."

'You know that 'sick midget' is the new member and Xemnas' best friend?" But the Nymph wasn't listening. She was staring at Marluxia, her right eye twitching. "Mar-kun? What's that in your hand, there?" Panicking, the flower manipulator hid the picture in his pocket before she got too suspicious. "Nothing!" "Mar, you are a horrible liar. Give me that picture."

"Petals of Shining Death!" A flurry of gleaming petals burst from Marluxia's scythe and seared towards Larxene. Wasting no time, he dashed out the window, with one pissed off thunder maiden in hot pursuit. "Oh, I'm going to blast the SHIT out of you!"

Axel stepped in through the door, an amused look on his face. "Wow, that kid's a bigger troublemaker than you, Demyx." Said musician turned to him with shock on his face. "Wait…that's the kid that Superior was talking about? That's the new member?" "Yep. He's almost good an artist as Naminé. Anything he draws comes to life. Pretty impressive, eh, Luxord?" But the gambler didn't respond.

Instead, he was staring at the window that Larxene and Marluxia had jumped from, looking lost in thought. "Do you think they know that we're on the 15th floor?"

THUD!

"Guess they know now." Said Roxas, stepping in the room to see the fun. Suddenly, Xemnas warped in, covered in only a towel, with a rubber duck in one hand, a shower brush in the other and another towel wrapped around his dripping wet hair. "WHAT is going on in here? You all should now by now that I hate to be interrupted while I'm showering! And Mr. Quack-Quack doesn't appreciate the noise either." He squeaked the duck twice for emphasis.

No one said anything for a few moments, however Axel kept snickering at his leader. Xemnas sighed. "Okay, I want everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in the congregation hall, NOW!" And with that, he vanished.

**In the hall…**

Xemnas lit a candle on the table and faced his subordinates. Larxene was glaring at Startix, her two antennae-like bangs crackling with electricity. Startix simply stuck his tongue out and pulled down his right eye. Demyx patted his sleeve, which vaguely showed the outline of a syringe. Marluxia was sitting next to Vexen and was crying softly, while the Chilly Academic crossed his arms and glared at the weeping botanist. Luxord was shuffling his cards and grinning stupidly.

Xigbar had his elbow on the table (how rude!) and his cheek in his hand, with a bored expression on his face. Zexion was looking as emo as ever, balancing a knife on the tip of his nose. Lexaeus was drumming his fingers on the table and was tapping the large tomahawk at his side. Xaldin was still dressed in only his boxers and was twitching uncontrollably. Axel was casting strange glances at Roxas, who kept mouthing 'what the hell?' Saïx was picking at the scar on his forehead, wincing in pain each time.

Xemnas folded his hands and began to speak. "It has come to my attention that SOME OF YOU (he shot a glare at Larxene, who glared back, her bangs sending out a small jolt) are ruining the group dynamic of the Organization. Therefore, effective immediately, I will be assigning each of you a partner."

"WHAT?!"

Xemnas raised a hand for silence. "I am merely doing this so that you may all learn to cooperate better. But if you don't like it, then I can turn you all into Dusks and make this easier."

No one said anything.

"Okay." The Superior pulled out a pair of reading glasses and produced a small list. "Demyx, you will be paired up with…Xaldin." Said wind master smacked his head against the table. "Perfect! I get paired up with the Led Zeppelin dropout?" "At least I wore clothes today!" yelled the irate musician. "Vexen will be paired with…Marluxia."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

**6 hours later…**

"…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO gasp OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Xemnas frowned as Marluxia stopped screaming. "Are you quite finished?" "One second." replied the pink-haired Nobody. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Okay, now I'm done." "Good. Xigbar, you have…Luxord." "NOOO—" Lexaeus slammed his tomahawk against the side of the gambler's head. "No. More. Screaming." He said in that deep, stony voice of his.

"Lexaeus, your partner is Zexion." "Nn." muttered the Schemer, still balancing his knife. "Axel, you get Saïx." The claymore-wielding psycho looked at Axel with the creepiest smile one could muster. "Roxas, you're with me." Roxas gave Axel a longing look before slumping onto the table. "Finally, Larxene, you get Startix." Larxene slammed her fist on the table. "You CAN'T be serious! I get stuck with this little brat, who would rather spend more time drawing than working?!"

"Hey," said Startix, looking up from his sketchpad. "Any time's a good time for drawing." "I cannot, no, will not work with this unprofessional brat! I mean, his weapon is a _paintbrush_ for Ansem's sake!!" At that, the Wonder jumped up and whipped out the pencil he was drawing with. He tossed it into the air and it turned into the paintbrush as it came down.

"Don't knock da brush! And besides, my weapon's cooler. You have _knives_. 'Watch out, boys, it's House of Flying Daggers the sequel!'"

"Brat."

"Tramp."

"Urchin."

"Whore."

"Git."

"You're so ugly, I can push your face in dough and make gorilla biscuits!"

"Oooooooooh…" whispered everyone.

"Well…you're so small, Gary Coleman's your bodyguard!"

"OOOOOOOH!"

"You're so ugly, you got bitch-slapped by Freddy Krueger!"

"_OOOOOOOOOOH!!_"

Xemnas sighed. "Anyway…" he said, grabbing attention once more. "You will both be expected to share a room with the other. Larxene, since Startix has no room as of yet, he will stay in yours. Be nice to each other." He finished that sentence with an evil smile on his face.

The Savage Nymph slumped her head on the table. "I hate my life…"

* * *

(2) It's funny to make up stuff on what Xemnas might be doing. 

Ku, ku, ku, ku, ku, ku!!! The next chapter is going to show Larxene and Startix spending more time working together. Brace thyselves for the result of 72 s'mores Pop-Tarts and 26 cups of hot chocolate (with marshmallows!) in just two hours! SUGAR HIGH OF THE 21st century!!!! (Seriously, I have done this. There are things I would do that would break the laws of physics to cure writer's block.)

* * *


	3. Adjusting

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter Three: Adjusting**

Larxene was sleeping peacefully on the bed, enjoying the darkness of her room. When all of a sudden…

"RISE 'N' SHINE, LARXENE!!"

The blinds were whisked open and the blinding light of the morning sun filtered through the windows, nearly roasting the young woman's eyes. "It's a brand-new day with your new roommate!" Angrily, Larxene pulled her pillow over her head. She should've poisoned the munchkin while he slept.

"I'm not a morning person, kid. Wake me up at around 12." Startix vigorously tried to wake up Larxene. "Come on! You should always greet the day with a smile!"

"…" No response.

"Sigh. Okay, I didn't want it to come to this, but…" Startix snapped his fingers, and a bright, white light filled the room. Larxene jerked her head towards Startix and gasped. Next to him was a creature of about his size, and looked like a kind of triangle. Growing on the top of it were three spikes where the head should be and its left arm had a bomb on it, like an extension of the arm itself. On the bomb looked like the Heartless symbol, but it was upside down and had the three Nobody points growing from the tip. Its right arm looked human, but had a black armband on it. Underneath its body were two triangle-shaped feet.

"What in the name of Radiant Garden is that?" The mini artist smirked. "That…is one of my NoLess. Bomber Class, to be exact." "And what is he supposed to do?" grumbled the female sadist. Chuckling, Startix snapped his fingers again. The human-like hand stuck out its index finger, and it became alive with flame. It raised the arm with the bomb on it, lighting it. It then tossed it to Larxene.

"OH, F—"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

**Far away in Traverse Town…**

Sora perked his head up as he walked through the plaza, as though he heard something. "Hey, did you guys feel that?" he asked, turning to his friends Riku and Kairi. "I didn't feel anything." replied the redhead. Riku merely shrugged.

**Back at TCTNW…**

Soot, dust, small embers and gunpowder filled Larxene's room. Her mouth was open in an O of surprise. Startix seemed to be unharmed by the NoLess's attack. He just stood there smiling that goofy smile of his. "Sigh. Demolition. That's all they're good for." Marluxia stepped into the room, his scythe raised. "Are we under attack?"

Startix whirled around and jabbed a threatening finger at the surprised man. "Stow it, Petal Boy!" Marluxia burst into tears and ran from the room. "Now then, how 'bout waking up now, Larxene?"

**In the Kitchen…**

Larxene stomped down the hallway to the kitchen, a scowl plastered on her face. She had to deal with the most explosive--literally--wake-up call in her life, and she was sharing a room with a kid who could summon these NoLess thingies. He also said he'd be more than elated to repeat the wake-up from hell if needed.

Just. Fucking. Perfect.

Larxene sat down on a chair placed at the table. "Xaldin, get me an iced coffee. I've had a long morning." "Comin' right up." In about two seconds, Xaldin placed a cup of iced coffee in front of Larxene along with a powdered donut on a napkin. "Thanks," she said, and gulped it down. "This kid is gonna be the death of me. Did you SEE what he did to my room?"

"Hold on…" muttered Startix. "There!" He held up his sketchpad, which showed a perfectly drawn copy of Larxene's destroyed living quarters. Xaldin gaped at the picture. "Damn, he _is_ good at drawing." Larxene threw the empty coffee mug at Xaldin, breaking as soon as it hit him. "Ass..." muttered Larxene. Startix patted the woman on the shoulder. "C'mon, Lar, I'm sure that the more time we spend with each other, the better we'll be able to work together!"

"…"

"And what better way to promote friendship than by going down to the arcade and playing co-op Dance Dance Revolution!? I've heard they've added the Numa Numa Song to the roster…"

_'Oh, **NO**.'_ thought Larxene, crashing her head against the table.

**In the Gummi Ship hangar…**

Larxene was packing supplies into the Gummi Ship, grumbling to herself while Startix was sketching the whole thing. Thank God Xemnas gave them this mission to go to Traverse Town at the last second, otherwise Larxene would have spent the morning performing the Irish jig in front of a live audience.

Not her idea of fun.

"Are you gonna draw the whole damn thing or help me out?!" "Rome wasn't built in a day, Lar-chan." A thunder kunai whizzed right by him, nearly slicing his ear off. Larxene was glaring at him, three more clenched in her fingers. "Call me 'Lar-chan' again and you'll be finding it hard to go to the bathroom later." Startix, sweatdropping, shut up and went back to sketching.

"Okay," said Larxene, slamming the cargo hold door. "That's the last of it. Let's get rolling." With sudden enthusiasm, Startix jumped up and dashed to the door of the vessel. "Shotgun!" Muttering to herself, Larxene made her way to the driver's seat. It's gonna be a _looooooooooooooooong_ trip.

**Back at the Castle That Never Was…**

Xemnas was pacing back and forth in his office. A small hole was appearing where he was pacing. They had better hurry up… Demyx was in the room watching this sight. "Superior, slow down. You're making me dizzy!" Ignoring the comment, Xemnas kept pacing back and forth. "What's so important that you needed to send Larxene and the new kid Startix to get it?"

Finally, Xemnas stopped and faced number nine. "If you must know, I asked them to pick up…some…things." His eyes darted fearfully to the window as he said this and he began pushing his index fingers together. The Melodious Nocturne raised an eyebrow. "Exactly, what kind of…things?"

**In the Gummi Ship…**

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF DARK DIVE!?! THIS IS A GODDAMN GROCERY LIST!!!"

Startix snatched the list out of Larxene's hand and scanned it.

"Gee, I wonder what gave that away? 'Milk, Eggs, Butter, Caramel, Enigmatic Women Monthly, lime green hot pants'…_what_!?"

Larxene slammed her hands on the wheel. "I don't friggin' believe this. I expect a mission that would involve killing or blowing things up, but SHOPPING!!" _'Although, I suppose it's better that Dance Dance Revolution…'_

Larxene sighed and switched the ship to autopilot. Startix looked up from his sketchpad to see the blonde heading towards the bathroom. "Where you headed?" "Where does it look like? Moron." And with that, she closed the door.

Scowling, Startix drew a small pair of goggles in the air. "Fine, then Lar-chan. If that's how ya wanna play…" He slapped the goggles onto his face and flipped a small switch on the side. Instantly Startix could see through the walls and peer in on Larxene.

"Houston, we have no problems. And who said artists don't make any money? We do, and it's easy as hell." "Oh, I wouldn't say that." chuckled an evil voice behind him.

Praying that it wasn't who he thought it was behind him, he turned around and was face to face with Larxene.

"Demyx was right." she said, forming a ball of pure electricity in her outstretched hand. "Making forms of yourself IS helpful."

"…CRUD."

BOOOOOOOM!!!

**One insane fight of Bomber NoLess, lighting, thunder, kamikaze crayons, a RoseArt® art pack used as a shield, a quick break for tea and crumpets later…**

The Savage Nymph stood over Startix with a kunai at his throat. "What have we learned today, Da Vinci?" Startix jerked his head back and forth in anger. "That you are one crazed bitch!" She pressed the knife more into the young Nobody's throat. "OW, OW, OW! Alright! It was wrong to try and invade your privacy through the use of magic, and I'll never do it again, I swear, I swear, I SWEAR!!"

Smiling, Larxene removed the weapon and sat back down in the driver's seat of the ship. "Glad you learn so quickly." Crossing his arms, Startix got up and sat down in the passenger seat. "How close are we to Traverse Town anyway?" "About four more minutes. Relax, little man." "I'M NOT LITTLE!"

**At the Castle…**

Xemnas was (still) pacing back and forth, and not only was Demyx watching, but Roxas was, too. The hole Xemnas was making was now ankle-deep. "How long do you think he'll keep this up?" whispered the Key of Destiny. "Probably until they get back." replied the musician. "20 munny says by that time we won't be able to see him in that hole." "You're on."

**Traverse Town**

Larxene landed the Gummi Ship on a large pad and jumped out. Startix followed close behind. "Awesome! Traverse Town! Let's go to the casino and rack up some—" The Savage Nymph bonked him on the head. "Owie! What up with that?" "In case you forgot, Da Mini, we have…_shopping_ to do." The blond woman shuddered at the dreaded 'S' word.

"Okay, fine. Madame Bossy." Sighing, Larxene checked the list. "Ignoring that (despite the fact I'll kill you later) the first thing we need is…"

**Once again, at the Castle…**

Now, Demyx, Roxas, Axel, Xaldin and Marluxia were all watching Xemnas, only now the hole was waist-deep. "This is both strange and somewhat hilarious. How long has he been doing this?" muttered the Whirlwind Lancer. "Since the artist kid and Larxene left." replied Axel. He then turned to Demyx, who had conjured up a desk, a chalkboard and an auctioneer's hat and suit. He was tapping the desk with a red and white striped cane

"Step right up and be amazed! See the amazing Mole Superior! How much longer can he keep digging? Place your bets here! Watch the Superior dig a hole to Midgar!" Snickering, Xaldin stepped up and put 600 munny on the desk. "Sign me up for buried up past his head."

**Traverse Town Shopping District**

"♪Everything's got to be somewhere…oh, where, oh, where could it be?♪" Trying her best not to claw her eyes out, Larxene tried to tune out the singing of her annoying partner. It would've been more bearable if he knew more than just that one line!!

"Finally." breathed Larxene, when she saw the giant shopping mall just ahead. "Now all we need to do is get…huh?" She had turned to where Startix had been, but he was nowhere to be found.

BOOOOOOOM!!!

"ART SUPPLIES!!!" screamed Startix, who soared by, along with several dozen Bomber NoLess. In his arms were boxes of crayons, markers, pens, pencils, sketch pads, Etch-A-Sketches, sticky notes, white out and even another paintbrush the size of Startix's original. The mall now had a large, gaping hole in the middle of it, debris littering the scene. Swearing to herself and wishing she had become a go-go dancer instead of a villainess, she ran after Startix.

**2 minutes later…**

"And if you even THINK about pulling some kind of shit like that again, I'm going to strap you to a rock and beat you with oranges! AM I CLEAR?!" Larxene seemed four more times scary, maybe due to the fact she was bristling with static electricity and she was making all the Bomber NoLess drop their own 'special' type of bombs. "C-crystal, ma'am." squeaked the frightened artist.

Groaning, Larxene rubbed her eyes with her left hand. "Just…go wait at the ship and I'll be back later." And, like some poor fool who figured out that wasn't glaze they were spreading on those Krispy Kreme donuts, he and the NoLess were outta there. (1) Smiling, Larxene avoided the stares she was getting and walked into the mall. "I wanted to become a villain. I wanted to cause mayhem and destruction. I wanted to torture people. I _really_ should've strapped on those go-go boots when I had the chance." she said to herself.

**Back at the Gummi Ship…**

Startix sighed and flopped his head on the control panel. "I'm…so…BOOOOOOOOOOORED!!" He groaned and looked around the ship. _'Geez, this place needs a Startistic touch.' _Grinning, he whipped out his giant paintbrush…

**3 hours later…**

Larxene stepped out of the mall, a mass of shopping bags in her arms. "Sheesh, who knew there was a 'Xemnas's Stuff' section in the mall? Well, at least they had a 'Subordinates' discount. That let me acquire some 'things' of my own, heh, heh, heh…"

She reached the Gummi Ship hangar, and dropped the bags on the spot, her lower jaw hitting the floor.

Startix had tricked out the Ship in such a way that Prince would have an epiphany. It was coated in purple, light blue and had gold stars painted on it. On the windshield were the words STARTIX RLZ! in red pant. If this wasn't horrific enough, the Ship had hydraulics attached to it, causing the vessel to bounce up every few seconds. Startix himself was on top of the ship, playing a guitar and singing at the top of his lungs.

"♪You can rave about it, you can rage about it; jump up for JOY or complain about it…♪" Wrenching an invisible neck, and desperate to get a real one to wring, Larxene grabbed a kunai between her thumb and forefinger and threw it at the artist. It caught him in the chest, but as soon as it made contact, he disappeared in a flash of purple smoke.

"Wha…?" questioned the Nymph. "Like it?" said a voice behind her. She whirled around to see the real Startix standing behind her, grinning. "Like you said, making forms of yourself is helpful." "WHAT…DID…YOU…DO!?!" Startix shifted his eyes. "I just made a little…changes to the ship." "YOU MIDGET FUCKER!!!" roared the blonde woman. "You don't approve?" "FREAK NO, I DON'T APPROVE!!"

"But I thought you'd like the additions I made to your room!"

'_Oh, dear God.' _thought Larxene. She dropped her bags and in a flash of lightning disappeared.

**On the ship…**

Larxene was appalled. Her room…was FANTASTIC!! Black and bellow was everywhere, and a huge poster of Demyx was on the rightmost wall. And seated on her bed was her favorite book, Marquis de Sade. It was her own little heaven. "You're welcome." She turned around to see Startix again, still grinning. "See how gifted I am with a brush and an empty canvas?"

As much as she hated to admit it, he WAS good with a brush. "Okay, now that thanks are in order, let's get back to The World That Never Was before Superior goes insane.

**Back at TCTNW…**

Larxene landed the ship in the front yard of the Castle. Startix jumped out of the ship with his arms filled with the stuff. "WE'RE BACK!!"

No answer.

"That's odd." muttered Larxene, who was climbing down the ladder attached to the Gummi Ship. "The last time I came back from…_shopping_…Superior nearly bit my hand off trying to get his crap." Demyx suddenly stuck his head out of the window and began waving his hands wildly, yelling something unintelligible. "What's he saying?" said Larxene, trying to read his lips.

"…Run?" "TOBIKOMI!!" (2) There was burst of black and red, the sound of an aerial blade swinging through the air, and the bags Startix was carrying was gone. "GODDAMN, MY HAND!!! THAT'S MY F-ING DRAWING HAND!!!" He was bent over and clutching his arm, shoving it inside hi cloak, which was now dripping blood. Also noticeably absent was his brush and several chunks of his hair.

'_Oh, dear God.' _thought Larxene.Xemnas ran by and was laughing crazily, pulling out a small pink magazine with the title 'Enigmatic Women Monthly' written in lime green on the side.

* * *

(1) I'm always saying this about glazed donuts in general, so I'm not bashing Krispy Kreme, to all you donut fans. Seriously, next time you eat at a donut shop and order a glazed, look closer. 

(2) It means 'dive'. I had a dream about this four nights ago and woke up laughing...and crying. -?-

Sorry it took me soooo long to update, but being a freshman I'm apparently not entitled to only have an hour of homework. Hope you guys love this chapter and can't wait to write the next one! (It'll be Thanksgiving, so I'll have a wider agenda). Ato! (Later!)


	4. Three's Company? Yeah, You Wish

Startix: Before the author starts the chapter, he would like to inquire as to WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND fed his Bomber NoLess barbecue chips abnd porkrinds? As they are now blowing apart every inch of the World That Never Was, including the art store.

Roxas/Axel: Axel!/Roxas! (Each said the other's name.)

Startix: Well, since I don't like to play favorites I'll smite tha both of you.

Axel/Roxas: Shit.

Xemnas: Back on track, underlings! The readers want a story!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter Four: Misunderstanding**

**In the Castle…**

Demyx was merrily skipping down the hallway to his dear Larxene's room. It was a day off for all of the Organization. Xaldin was off at a school, teaching kids how to make origami…with spears...and without paper. (1) Luxord went to the local casino to pick up some 'items'. The fact that he cackled like a pervert, rubbed his hands together and that little twinkle in his eye made him more suspicious.

But remember, it's _Luxord_ we're talking about. …Luxord…

Lexaeus was in his room, reading. What he was reading he refused to say, except that anyone coming into his room unannounced would meet with an unfortunate 'accident'. A tomahawk-related 'accident'. Xemnas was gone completely, simply leaving a note that said, in **pink** letters, 'OUT'. Marluxia was holed up in his room, muttering 'freakish artistic midget' loudly to himself every few seconds. The sound of water leaving a pail was heard, too. Vexen was at a bingo tournament, and no one had even bothered to ask. (2) Axel and Roxas were out, and everyone **KNEW** what they were doing, so no one bothered, either.

Zexion was outside the Castle, in the shade, writing yaoi poetry. …Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaah… Xigbar was in the basement, doing some target practice, with Saïx as his target. How he managed to get the psychotic Nobody to participate in something such as that was a mystery, and a very remarkable one at that. That, however, would not mean Xigbar would avoid getting the beating that could possibly make a Kingdom Hearts III.

So, with the other members occupied, Demyx was going to spend some quality time with his electrifying girlfriend. You see, it was their one-year anniversary of officially becoming a couple. (Does time even really pass when you're a Nobody? I mean, they age, right? And look at Luxord, he RULES time.) There was an open mike night tonight at the poetry corner on the other side of the World, and, though Larxene always said she hated it, her poetry was amazing. So he decided to take her there for an anniversary present.

"Okay, so like this?" Demyx froze. That was Larxene's voice. "Yeah, that's perfect. Oh, wait, move a little to the left…there." The blond sitar player was horrified. That was Startix's voice! And it sounded like they were…

No, it couldn't be. Larxene wasn't like that. She was a loyal girlfriend. …Wasn't she?

"Let's just pray that Demyx doesn't find out about this. You know how he jumps to conclusions…tell me again why I have to wear my hair like this?" "So I can work better, duh! Now be a good little homicidal Nobody and STOP MOVIN' AROUND!" "Fine. But know I'm only doing this for a good cause."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Demyx screamed in a mixture of sadness and anger. Heartbroken, he ran away like a frightened schoolgirl.

Startix poked his head out of the door and Larxene followed suit. She had on her regular Organization cloak but one of her 'antennae' bits was drooped over to the opposite of its normal place. "What was that? It sounded like a wounded animal." Startix shook his head. "Whatever it was, it's gone now. Can we get back to what we're supposed to be doin'?" "Fine." grumbled the blonde. "But if this doesn't turn out the way I want, you'll become a she. And also, next time I want my hair the normal way, I don't care if my antennae is so hilarious that it can help you concentrate."

"…Okaaaaaaaaaaay…"

**In the basement…**

"Xigbar, I swear, when I am done with you, you'll need another eyepatch…and NOT on your eye." Snickering, Xigbar loaded his gun and pointed it and the angered Nobody. "Empty threats, Number Seven. Empty threats." "They won't be so empty when I'm crushing your windpipe with a—"

BANG.

Eyes widening, Saïx grasped his manly parts and fell to the ground, unconscious, his mouth in an O of total shock and pain. Xigbar shook his head in disgust. "What kind of freakin' pansy faints? It's not like it can't be reattached…" "XIGBAR!!!" The Freeshooter looked up to see a crying Demyx rushing towards him. "Xigbar, it's horrible! The artist…Larxene…secrets…WAAH!"

SMACK!

"Get ahold of yourself, Nocturne!" yelled Xigbar, lowering his hand from whacking Demyx. "Now, calmly, tell me what's wrong." Sniffling, Demyx began.

**10 soap opera-ish minutes later…**

"And that's what happened." Xigbar polished his gun slyly. "So, you want me to take out the one who's done you wrong?" "Yes." replied Demyx. "But I just don't want him dead…I WANT HIS HEAD ON A SILVER PLATTER!!!!!"

Silence for a while, then:

"Does it have to be silver? 'Cause it could be gold. Maybe bronze if I have enough time." "Gold, bronze, silver, diamond, pearl, crystal, ruby, sapphire, emerald, leafgreen, firered, I DON'T CARE! Just make him pay for having his way with my Larxene!" (3) "Geez, Demyx, I didn't know you were so possessive. But don't worry." Xigbar hoisted his gun onto his shoulder. "I've got it covered."

**Outside…**

Xigbar was perched on a tree, looking into Startix's and Larxene's room. He had attached both of his guns together in a giant sniper rifle and was getting ready to shoot Startix. "I just wonder what the kid could've done to get Demyx miffed. If he lives I'll ask him."

And as Larxene stepped back into the room, the eyepatch wearing Nobody saw EXACTLY what Startix was doing. "Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me! _That's_ what they're up to?!"

**In Demyx's Room…**

Demyx was pacing around in his room, mimicking the hole wading that the Superior had done previously. "Where is he, WHERE IS HE, **WHERE IS HE!?**" "Dude, relax. I'm here." Demyx whirled around to see Xigbar, a scowl on his face. "You're back! So that little Picassho is dead, right?" "Ahh…no." "NO!?" "Dude, I don't know _what_ you heard, but it wasn't what you think. Later much." And with that, he opened a portal of darkness and stepped in. It disappeared immediately after he went in.

Demyx chewed on his fingernails nervously. "Wasn't what I think? What does that mean? Oh, no…that can't mean…AHHHH! I need to resort to drastic measures! VEXEN!!" A few moments passed, and then Demyx remembered.

Vexen was at bingo. Suddenly, and idea formulated in Demyx's head. "I know how to get him here…"

**A random bingo hall…**

"B-4." Called the monotone voice of the bingo caller. _'Damn!' _swore the Chilly Academic in his mind. _'All I need is I-6 and I'll win! If he doesn't call it I'll turn him into a popsicle.' _

♪Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul. With a corncob pipe and a button nose…♪ Angrily and embarrassedly, Vexen pulled out his phone, ignoring the stares and giggles he was getting from his cell's ringtone. "WHAT!?" "Kyogre to Coldman. Repeat, Kyogre to Coldman. Do you read?" "…Demyx, talk normally before I put you on ice. _Literally._" hissed Vexen.

"Jeez, Vexen, chill."

That did it. 2 straight hours of playing bingo with an inch away from victory had taken a massive toll on the scientist's head. Now having to deal with his ultimate annoyance, Demyx, telling _him_, the _Chilly Academic_ to chill, was the final straw.

"Chill? _Chill? **CHILL!? I INVENTED CHILL, YOU MULLET-TOTING BASTARD! IF YOU EVER CALL ME AGAIN WHILE I'M PLAYING BINGO I WILL TEAR YOU TO PIECES, STUFF YOU INTO AN ICE CUBE TRAY AND FREEZE YOU AND USE YOU TO COOL MY DRINKS!!!!" **_(4) (5)With that, Vexen threw the cellphone into the air and froze it with a blast of cold air from his shield. It fell to the ground and shattered like glass.

**Back to Demyx…**

Demyx was both shocked and a little scared. The whole Organization was aware what happens to Vexen when he loses at bingo. The musician whimpered and silently prayed to Kingdom Hearts that Vexen wouldn't come home empty-handed. "Okay, then." said Demyx, pulling up his cloak's hood. "If you want something done right, you've gotta do it yourself."

**With Larxene and Startix…**

"Okay, are we done? I'm getting a cramp." "Oooooo…kay! Finished!" "Finally. If you need me, I'll be outside, writing your name in blood in the grass for convincing me to do this." "C'mon, Demyx'll be happy, right? Isn't that what matters?" "…Okay, I guess so. See you." And Larxene disappeared in a dark portal. Smiling, Startix walked out of his room to the kitchen.

His line of work made him extremely hungry.

He passed by the hall to the dining room, when he saw something. The long table of the dining room had Demyx on the other side, a single candle in the middle, the only source of light, illuminating his solemn face. "Hello, Startix." Nervous, Startix waved to the Melodious Nocturne. "Uh…hi, Demyx. What's with the James Woods reference?"

Demyx said nothing, except gestured to the chair on the side. "Have a seat, Wonder." Without hesitation, Startix pulled the seat to the table and plopped down on it. Without moving from his seat, Demyx began drumming his fingers on the table. He swiveled around on his chair and folded his hands together. "Early this morning," began the sitar player. "I heard you and Larxene. From how it sounded, you two were engaging in…acts."

Blushing furiously, Startix widened his eyes. "WHAT!? You thought me and Larxene…and the voices…oh, man! Demyx, you've got it wrong! I mean, why would I do things with Larxene?! Who'd be that crazy and desperate!?"

Demyx narrowed his eyes, water swirling around him as he pulled out his sitar. Suddenly, Startix realized what he just said.

"**_OH._**"

**One long, painful-as-hell, water-based punishment later…**

Carefully, Demyx clicked the closet door closed, looking around to see if anyone was watching him. He was drenched in paint and two of the strings on his sitar were broken. But he didn't care. He got his revenge, and that was all that mattered.

Well, that and chewing out his traitorous girlfriend. "LARXENE!!!!" "You bellowed, dear?" He whirled around to see Larxene smiling at him, a large, rectangular-shaped object behind her back, wrapped in cream-colored paper. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Why exactly were you having sex with STARTIX, of all people, in the early hours of the morning?"

"WHAT?!" "Don't lie!" squealed Demyx, tears forming in his eyes. "I heard the two of you! You said that I'd jump to conclusions!" "And you did!"

Larxene shoved the large object into Demyx's hands. Confused, Demyx ripped off the paper, revealing a painting of a chibi version of both Demyx and Larxene hugging each other. It was cute enough to make Xemnas cry.

Then again, it doesn't take a lot to make him cry.

"Happy anniversary, ass." glowered Larxene. A donkey was braying at the top of its vocal chords in Demyx's head right now. "…Oh, my…Wait a sec. If this is what you guys were doing, why did he need you?" "Because he's not good at painting women, much less chibi women and he needed descriptions of you as a chibi." "…And you know how I would look as a chibi _how_?" Larxene said nothing, just pushed her finger together, much like the Superior would when he was nervous.

"So…where is Startix, anyway?" Demyx looked at the closet door he just stepped out of. "Startix…has a lot of things to clean."

* * *

(1) Think, can't you picture this happening? Xaldin giving a minor his spear to cut PAPER with.

(2) Vexen really does look old enough for that kind of stuff, and the fact that he would look really out of place is like Poison Fang; there's an added bonus in it.

(3) C'mon, we all know the pun of the Pokémon games is being named after precious metals (except Fire and Leaf).

(4) The first part came from Jack Frost in the Escape Clause.

(5) Ed, Edd, and Eddy was the last part. Great show but they ruined it when they had to go back to school.

I am the destroyer of words! (Not worlds, that got boring after a while.) I wanted this one to be shorter as a buildup to the longer next chapter. So read, enjoy and review if yous wish!

On another note, don't you think that it's weird that Larxene knows what Demyx looks like as a chibi? Maybe she's been pulling a Vexen on him while he's asleep…¬¬

In the next chapter, Xemnas asks what exactly the NoLess are, but he'll soon regret it once Startix magicks up a new one! We also see how Startix fights! Nii!


	5. Two Time's the Charm

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter Five: Two Time's The Charm**

"Dance, water, dance!!" A stream of water burst from the tip of Demyx's sitar and whipped its way to Startix. He jumped out of the way and drew a large, spiked ball. He smacked it towards Demyx, using the giant brush as a bat. Reflexively, Demyx held up his sitar as the ball crashed into his precious instrument, breaking it in two.

"AW, HELL!! YOU BROKE MY SITAR, GIT!!" Trying to get the ringing out of his ears, Startix walked over to his water-manipulating colleague. "Relax, Technus." (1) He took out his paintbrush and held the broken halves of the sitar up to each other. He spread the brush across the break ad the sitar magically fused back together.

"There, good as new." Demyx twanged his sitar, testing it. "Hey, thanks, Startix!"

WHOOSH!

A column of water slammed into Startix, sending him backwards. "You cheap punk! To me, my EX Berserker NoLess!!" He snapped his fingers and an EX Berserker NoLess, a creature that had the body of a large octopus, the head of a wolf with prominently large spikes growing out of it, fierce eyes with no pupils, its right arm a large blade, its left a large cannon and the NoLess symbol on its chest. (A/N: See my profile for more info on the NoLess.)

"Destroy the evil one!" screamed Startix. The NoLess nodded and ran to Demyx. He raised his sitar in defense, but the giant creature simply jumped over him and burst through the window of the Castle That Never Was. "What the…?" "AAAAARGH!!" There were several crashing sounds heard, and a large object flew threw the air. It landed in the ground, sticking straight up.

"Hey," said Demyx, pointing at it. "That looks like Saïx's claymore." "You won't be needing these." rumbled the demonic voice of the NoLess. "NO, NOT THE FACE, NOT THE FACE!!"

-RIP- -TEAR- -SMASH- -BOOM- -CRASH- -CRUSH- -OTHER RANDOM BATTLE SOUNDS-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

A high-pitched, girly scream rang out through the World. Startix's EX Berserker NoLess floated down, an evil grin on his face. "Sssss…" Blood dribbled from its mouth and one of Saïx's dwarf-like ears was hanging from its lower lip.

"When I said the evil one, I meant Demyx, not Saïx. Oh, man, he's gonna kill me, isn't he?"

"YES, I WILL!!!…Just as soon as I can find my eyeballs." SNAP! "OW! NOT MY EYES, NOT MY EYES!!"

Demyx and Startix sweatdropped as Saïx began his search for his mutilated viewing orbs. "Okay, back to sparring!" "Great idea, little man, but before that, there's one thing you need to do." "What's that?" inquired Startix. Demyx grinned, pulled and began playing his sitar. "Y'gotta keep to the beat!"

-DELUGE!-

**Deep in Xemnas's quarters…**

He was writing his Xemnas report. (A/N: I've ALWAYS wanted to write one of these!)

**Xemnas's POV**

_Xemnas Report Number 15_

_With the addition of the Artistic Wonder, Startix, I have seen many new things. For instance, Larxene seems to be less crazy and is hanging around Demyx much more. It's actually kind of sweet when I think about it. Larxene, Demyx and Startix are seen a lot more, almost like some kind of twisted, depraved family. _

_However, Saïx seems to be in a lot more pain as of late. I heard loud battle sounds coming from his room and a pool of blood seeping underneath the door. He is obsessed with an unknown entity called 'The Author', which seems to have an 'I Hate Saïx Fetish'. _(A/N: FETISH!?)_ No matter. I have already called in some professionals, and Saïx won't have to worry about 'crazed fourteen year-olds who are jealous of his pointy ears' any longer. _

_Things among the Organization are progressing quite smoothly. Axel and Roxas have come to terms with their…ways, and are now spending much-earned vacation time. They refused to tell me what it was that they would be doing except that it involved 'release', or some other nonsense. Zexion is much less moody, by which I mean he has stopped coming into my room, cutting himself and bleeding 'F The Superior' onto my sheets. Good thing, too, because I was planning on draining him on the remainder of his blood and selling it anonymously to random hospitals._

_Lexaeus…whatever._

_Xigbar seems to be developing a kind of immunity to Saïx's death threats, which is very strange indeed. He has been wearing a cross and praying to the same 'Author' Saïx mentioned. It almost seems to add to his crackpot theory of crazed fourteen year-olds. ALMOST. Xigbar has also been gathering large supplies of mouthwash and has brought them to Vexen for some new experiment dealing with 'minty freshness'. Luxord has become scarily protective of his cards. Why, just the other day, I was nearly decapitated by his three of Heartless _(horrible pun, I know, sue me) _because he saw me reaching for his deck. I had tried to explain to that card-hoarding bastard that I just wanted to get the coaster out from under them, but ran scared once he froze my arm. Time-manipulating bitch._

_And finally, Marluxia. It seems he has become most agitated with the claims that he is a transsexual. His extensive care of the castle's flower garden, somewhat longer cloak, pink hair and the fact his element is FLOWERS for Kingdom Heart's sake does not disprove such allegations. _

_That and I saw him stealing Larxene's lipstick at least more than once, and that's today._

_As I close today's report, one thing still bothers me. Startix's NoLess. Exactly WHAT are they? They have the brutality and sadism of Heartless (or Larxene for that matter), yet the cunning and swiftness of the Nobodies. …Much like Wayne Brady. Yes. Anyhoo, I have made the decision to talk to Startix about his minions and see exactly what makes them so well-suited for combat. This is Xemnas, Superior, Master and Founder of Organization XIII, in closing._

_P.S: There is one thing I would like to say before I'm done. While there are now fourteen Nobodies in the Organization, it does NOT, I repeat, does NOT, make us Organization XIV. It just doesn't seem to roll of the tongue as much as XIII. That and I don't want us to be like Final Fantasy where we use every damn Roman numeral we can find._

**Out of Xemnas's POV**

"I should publish these!" squealed the white-haired Nobody.

**In the kitchen…**

"Someone's in the kitchen with Xal-din, someone's in the kitchen, I know-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ooooooooooooow!!" "XALDIN! Shut the fuck up and make me my breakfast already!" "Yes, Larxene!" replied Xaldin sweetly. When she turned around he muttered under his breath, "Bitch goddess." A dark portal opened in the middle of the kitchen and Xemnas stepped out of it. "Has anyone seen Startix?"

CRASH!!

Said member was thrown through the window and slammed into Xaldin, knocking him over. "You think you're hot, Demy-boy? Then try this on for size!!" He separated his paintbrush into two medium-sized brushes and jumped out the window, holding onto them like tonfas. "Hope he knows we're on the 8th floor." muttered Larxene, taking a sip of coffee. "He's gliding down on a stream of paint; I think he's okay." muttered Xaldin, brushing himself off.

FWEENG! §

Both Xaldin and Larxene's heads turned to Xemnas, who had brought out one of his aerial blades. "Startix, wait! I have to talk to you!" And he jumped out the window. Larxene shrugged and went back to sipping. She looked out the window to see gushes of water spraying everywhere, gobs of paint and bombs flying and lasers. It was like someone put Fox, Dr. Mario and Mewtwo with a Blastoise Pokéball on level 9 in SSBM.

"Startix, I need to…hey, wait! I'm allergic to lavender!" "Lies! Your Heartless had lavender hair! Now hold up your hands and make like a mantis!"

"NGAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "Wow…" muttered Larxene. "He's REALLY good with a brush…" "Pff…his technique is totally off." Larxene turned to him, shocked (yes, another bad pun, I'm aware). "How would you know about painting?" "What, you think I just stab and cut things all day?" "You're also supposed to cook, but you're not doing a very good job of it! Chop, chop, Xaldin!"

Grumbling, Xaldin went back to cooking. "Chop, chop, all right…"

**In Vexen's Laboratory…**

"Scalpel?" "Scalpel." "Styrofoam?" Styrofoam." "Cheese crackers?" "Cheese crackers." Vexen was asking for supplies and Xigbar was handing them to the old scientist. He was throwing them into a large pot filled with a bubbling green substance. "So, Vex, what are you planning on doing with this stuff?" "That's for me to know and for Demyx to feel its wrath. I'll teach him to screw up my bingo game…"

"Dude, chi—" "Finish that, I DARE you." Shocked by the murderous look in the Chilly Academic's eyes, he shut up. Vexen then when back to his potion-making. "And lo, it is complete! The utter destruction of the Melodious Nocturne!!" He held up a large vial with a poison-green colored liquid in it. "And that is…?"

"For us? Great fun. Demyx? Hell."

**Outside…**

"So, lessers, what have we learned today?" Xemnas smiled as Demyx and Startix's necks, ankles and wrists were imprisoned in blocks of nothingness. "That you are one messed-up boss!!" yelled Startix. "That you are crazed and have been spending WAAAY too much time working on that fake tan!" "DAMN IT, IT'S NOT FREAKING FAKE!!!"

Xemnas then snapped his fingers and the blocks squeezed harder. "OWWWWW!!!" screamed IX and Startix. "ALRIGHT!!! WE'RE SORRY FOR BEATING THE HECK OUTTA YOU AND WE'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN, NEVERNEVERNEVERNEVERNEVER!!" The Superior smirked. "Heh. That's what I thought." He snapped his fingers again and the blocks of zero matter disappeared.

"Now then…what was I out here to talk to you about?" "I think it was about my NoLess, trying to assign Demyx a mission ("Yipe!" squealed said Nocturne), or talking about Saïx's little 'accident'." Xemnas waved his hand in the air. "No, no that's not…wait…what 'accident'?" "NOTHING!" yelled both Demyx and Startix. "Although," muttered the blonde Nobody. "Y'might not wanna used the bathroom for a couple of hours…days…weeks…millennia…"

Sweatdropping, Xemnas shrugged this off. "Right. Anyhow, it was about your NoLess. Care to elaborate on what exactly are they? I haven't been able to sleep at night!"

**-Flashback-**

Axel was dozing peacefully in his bed, when he heard a grinding sound coming from under his sheets. Scared shitless, he reached for the lamp on his nightstand, raised it high over his head and slammed it on whatever was hidden in his bed. "OUCH!" He pulled back the sheets to see Xemnas wrapped in a towel from the waist down, a bag of barbeque-flavored chips in his hand, rubbing his forehead, from where a large bump could be seen swelling up.

"Superior? Explain." He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He repeated this process for several minutes until the Flurry of Dancing Flames had had enough. Exasperated, Axel pushed Xemnas out of the bed and to the door. "I say again: ROXAS. R-O-X-A-S. Got it memorized?" (2)

**-End Flashback-**

He groaned as that embarrassing memory came back to him. "So, tell us, for the sake of information." "Well…I'd rather show you." He painted a portal in the air, and out of it stepped a Bomber NoLess. "Notice anything about this one?" Both Xemnas and Demyx leered at the creature, trying to see what the Wonder was getting at.

A few seconds went by.

Then minutes.

Then a few hours.

By this time, Startix was getting agitated. A red pressure mark was throbbing in his forehead. "Wait…" said Xemnas, breaking the silence. "Yeah?" Startix said eagerly. "I've got it!" "YEAH?" "They don't have any legs!"

Startix fell to the ground anime-style. "For the LOVE OF THE ONE-WINGED ANGEL!! AXEL!!!" A corridor of darkness appeared next to the trio and Axel stepped out, his hair looking very ruffled. "What do you need, brush-boy? I was busy." Startix pointed at his Bomber NoLess, which was absentmindedly blowing out small balls of flame that would fizzle out very quickly.

"Can you please show them what my NoLess is lacking?" Axel raised an eyebrow. "Why, it's so obvious, an idiot could figure it out." "Yeah? Well, Xemnas couldn't figure it out, so he must be a special type of idiot." "Yeah." snickered Axel. "Like your Berserker: EX Class." "Ex-COOSE me, but I'm right here!" raged the angered Superior. "Superior," Axel said, calming down. "They don't have heads."

Xemnas looked at Axel like he was mentally challenged. "You're kidding." He took a closer look, and it finally settled on him. "Ohhh…NOW I see." "Exactly, Superior. My NoLess always have something missing, much like we Nobodies possess no hearts. Like my EX Berserker possess no self-control." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, waitaminute here! Time out!"

Everyone turned to look at Xemnas. "If your Bomber NoLess have no heads, ergo no eyes, ears, nose and mouth, how can they attack?" "Uh…I _created_ them. They're automatically in tune with my thoughts. It doesn't matter, because whatever I want them to do, they do it." "Uh-huh." replied Xemnas, intrigued. "But all we've seen so far are your EX Berserkers and your Bombers. Don't you have anything else?"

Startix rubbed his chin. "Well, there is this one I've been working on lately. Check this out!" He pulled a canvas out of nowhere and on it was his new NoLess: a head of a Heartless soldier with three wispy, ghost-like tails growing out from behind it. It's eyes were a peach color with light gold irises.

All this got was a massive amount of stares from numbers I, IX and VIII. "What," uttered Axel. "In the name of Roxas's bunny footie pajamas is that?" "…I'm still lost on that pajama thing. Regardless, this…" he paused for dramatic flair. "Is my Duos NoLess. Observe."

He turned to the creature and pointed it at Axel. "Him." It 'nodded' and began changed its form. It shifted and changed until it turned into a perfect copy of Axel, right down to the make-up (war-paint my DS Lite!) and the number of spikes his hair had. "Pretty good, but that's all it does?" Startix smirked and snapped his fingers. The DuosAxel rushed forward with blinding speed and delivered a fiery punch to the original.

"Holy crap! What just happened?" "Did I mention that they become twice as strong and fast as the original? And that all the memories and fighting skills are melded into them?" Demyx whipped out his sitar and began jamming out on it. "_/Harder, better…/_" Then Startix joined in. "_/Faster, stronger!/_" Xemnas sighed as the two idiots, one pyromaniac and one pyromaniac clone began wallowing in this strange new creation of the Duos.

"Wait, I get it!" said Demyx, stopping his music. "'Twice as fast and twice as strong!' Twice, Duos! Clever!" "Not really." scoffed Xemnas. "You figured it out." "Hey!"

The DuosAxel stepped in between Xemnas and Demyx with his hands up.

"Guys, c'mon. We shouldn't be fighting each other. Instead, we should be using the Master's powers to screw with the Organization!" "Good point." said everyone, rather maliciously.

**In Marluxia's Room…**

The Graceful Assassin was humming to himself as he was watering his plants on his windowsill. "Yes, my tender ones, drink up! Water is good for growing little flytraps!" Flytraps yes. Growing, yes again. Little not even in the slightest. Each one was about the size of a computer monitor. Either Vexen has been messing with Marluxia's flowers while he was asleep or XI spend _too_ much time with his plants.

They were now wriggling their leaves as though they were begging. "Oh, of course, how could I forget! Your food! I'll feed you right after I tend to my dandelions." He turned around to his second-favorite plants and gasped. The fuzzed parts of the precious flowers (I'm not a botanist; I don't know what they're called) were plucked off and they were wilting. As he looked around, he also saw that all of his other plants were plucked and wilting, as thought the life had been drained from them.

"NOOOOOO!! Who would defile my flowers like this?!" As he took a closer look at his mutilated plants, he saw a strand of silver hair dangling from his sunflowers. _'Who in the Organization has silver hair? …ZEXION!!"_ Angered, Marluxia summoned his scythe and opened a portal to Zexion's room. It was time to wreak some vengeance.

When Marluxia left, Xemnas and Axel peeked out from under his bed. "He fell for it, hook, line and sinker. And now, we wait for the festivities! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Needless to say, Axel was a little creeped out by the Superior's new evil laugh. "But I've got a question, sir. Why Zexion's hair? I mean, he's the last you'd expect."

"And that's what makes it so foolproof! Because he's the last you'd expect! Ever hear the phrase 'it's always the quiet ones'?" "Guess you're right." "Come on, then. I do NOT wanna miss this." And so Xemnas opened a dark portal and they both stepped in.

**With DuosAxel and Startix…**

"You want me to do WHAT!?" "Must I draw a picture? I want you to try and seduce Larxene!" "……And why in Hollow Bastion's name would I do that?" "Because A) Axel is a total lady's man, B) Larxene's with Demyx, which makes it even funnier and C) The REAL Axel won't have a clue!" "Good points."

By now you're wondering 'where the hell is Larxene in all this?' Well, Larxene was doing what she does best: reading. She was in the library, enjoying her favorite book and light music. Imagine her shock when 'Axel' come waltzing in, giving her an 'I'm going to get in your pants look'. "Axel? What are you doing here? I thought you were outside with Demyx and the freak artist."

"Now why would I be out there when the better things are in here?" he said, flashing her a grin. _'Oooh,'_ thought Startix. _'Good opening line!'_ Larxene, however, was unimpressed (or just plain oblivious). "If you're looking for Roxas, he's in the kitchen." 'Axel' frowned, knowing full well what she meant. "I'm not talking about Key-Boy." He walked over to Larxene and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Y'know, if you get past the sadism and mind games, people can see you're a really sweet person." _'What the HELL was going on!?'_ thought the Savage Nymph. "Axel, have you been drinking the antifreeze again?" "The only thing I'm drinking is the essence of your beauty, Larxene dear." She just stared at him, mouth agape. "Okay…if you need me, I'll be in the bathroom…violently throwing up."

She turned to leave but 'Axel' grabbed her arm. "But Larxene, my pet. Why must you avoid me? The love we feel for each other should not be something that sickens you." Larxene narrowed her eyes. "I did not want it to come to this, but…"

KRAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

In the time it takes to piss off the wrong Nobody, the DuosAxel was a charred mass of blackness on the floor. Startix, from his hiding place behind the potted plant, gasped. _'Holy shit! I didn't want that to happen!'_ Larxene brushed some ash off her coat and went back to reading. "Guess the Superior'll have to find Roxas a new playmate."

**With the real Axel and Xemnas…**

Axel shivered as a chill ran up his nonexistent spine. "What's wrong, VIII?" "I'm not sure. I felt like a part of me died just now…" (3) "Don't go fading on me now, Axel. I need you for this part. Here's the plan. Since there's already one Axel causing mischief and mayhem, you can confuse the others. Just go in there and set fire to Marluxia's garden. When the Axel copy shows up from another direction, you'll not only get off scot-free, but it'll drive Marluxia crazy!"

"sigh Fine. But I'm only doing this because you're Superior." Axel walked to Marluxia's door, opened it, and gasped. "HOMER J. SIMPSON!!!" "What?" Xemnas stepped in and saw the drained plants. _'Who could've…Zexion.'_

**In Zexion's Room…**

_/This is a promise of redemption_

_  
These are the words you never said_

_  
'Cause you'll regret to say "I'm Sorry"_

_  
But the words will never mend. _

_  
These are the problems that will bind us_

_  
To the ties that won't unfold_

_  
As we cross those bridges and boundaries_

_  
To where we'll never know./_

The Cloaked Schemer had a pair of headphones clasped onto his ears, which was pumping in emo music (I'm not entirely sure, but I Googled and this is what showed up. I don't own it, BTW) at max volume. When all of a sudden…

BANG!!

Zexion's door flew open and Marluxia was there, fuming. His scythe was clenched so hard that his knuckles were turning white…er. Nervously, Zexion pulled off his headphones, pulling him out of Angst Land. "Eh…hey, Marluxia. Something wrong?" Marluxia said nothing, but raised his scythe high over his head and leaped towards Zexion, screaming at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS FOR MY BEGONIAS!!!" "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, X!?"

But rather than wait for an answer, Zexion did the smart thing and opened a portal right beneath him. He fell into it, avoiding Marluxia's destroyed-flower fueled death. The scythe slashed his bed in two, venting a little of Marluxia's rage.

A _little_.

In blind rage, Marluxia slashed the rest of the room to pieces. "I'LL GET YOU, XI, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!!"

**Meanwhile…**

Axel, having given up on the 'Burn the Flowers' plan, had gone to the library to get his favorite book: _'_'How To Please Your Whoa-Man'. (4) When he stepped in, he saw Larxene and gave her a friendly wave. She turned to look at him, and gasped. She ran up to Axel and began inspecting him. She poked him in the arm a few times, then stopped. Dazed, she opened up a portal to her room. "I've got to stop having onions with mustard and Kool-Aid."

As she stepped through, Axel could only wonder one thing: WHAT in Ansem's name was that about?

**Lastly…**

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DROPPED THE FUCKING POTION!!!!" Xigbar cowered in fear of the ballistic scientist. "I'm sorry, Vexen! I dropped it while I was running to find Demyx! You need to chill!" Xigbar clamped his hands over his mouth as soon as he realized what he just said. _"Oh, SHIT."_

**At the eyepatch store…**

The manager was looking at the picture of Xigbar, his best customer, when he saw the picture flutter, as if by wind. (5) "It's that time again!" He grabbed a bag on eyepatches off the counter and began walking to the Castle That Never Was.

(1) You need to be familiar with the show Danny Phantom (Season 2) to get the joke.

(2) It seems I'm the only one at school that is a fan of this yaoi pairing.

(3) Technically, it did. XD

(4) Parody of 'My Wife and Kids', when Michael was reading a woman's magazine and tried to rephrase it.

(5) Whenever something happens to my friends or is about to happen, something like this happens, like one of their games shutting down suddenly.

Jeez, that took forever to write. The next chapter, a new character makes his appearance!! And when Startix, Marluxia and the new guy are assigned to take down Sora, will they pull out a game plan or just annoy the flower-lover to his death? This one turned out to be a little boring, but the next one will definately be funnier. :3


	6. Nexas

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter Six: Nexas**

It was late at night and it was the annual game night for the Organization. Meaning the only ones in the Castle were Demyx, Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Startix and Larxene. Everyone else said they'd rather cut themselves than participate (Zexion in particular, ZING!). Right now, they were enjoying a nice, relaxing, not-taking-this-chance-for revenge game of 'I Never'.

"Explain how we play this again?" whined Demyx. "Simple, you absentminded water-humper." Demyx flared red at Larxene's comment. "You just say something you've never done and the people who have done it have to stand up. Since we don't want to waste that kind of time, we're taking shots of Mountain Sake instead." (1) "Ah. So who goes first?"

"Let me decide." said Axel, smirking. "Whoever survives my Kamikaze Attack gets to go first." Larxene bonked Axel on the head. "Don't even, idiot! It was MY idea, so I'M going first. Okay…I never broke Demyx's sitar." She smiled as she saw Startix grabbed the bottle of Mountain Sake, poured himself a glass and chugged down. "Nice. My turn. I never had sex with Demyx."

Everyone (excluding Demyx) was shocked as Larxene didn't take a shot. "You mean you guys never…? But…we thought…never mind." Axel drooped as he realized the not horrifying truth. Axel smiled as and idea formulated in his head. "Okay, I've got one. I never got into dominatrix." Larxene blushed angrily as she took a drink of the hard liquid.

Demyx grinned. "Okay…I never stared at the Superior while he was in the shower." Larxene groaned as she took another shot. To everyone's surprise, Roxas (bright red) took a shot too. Then it was the Key of Destiny's turn. "Okay…I never slept in green footie pajamas." Grumbling, Larxene took another shot. Then it went back to Axel. "Okay…I never tried to rape Luxord." Furious, Larxene reached for the bottle…

**20 minutes later…**

By this time, Larxene had succumbed to many I Nevers, such as biting the head off chickens, gluing the feathers in her pillow to Marluxia's hair and even attempting to get the Keyblade Master into bed. The bottle was nearly empty and Larxene was heavily sloshed, a red blush spread across her face. She currently had her arm draped around Roxas and was sobbing into his shoulder.

"Roxas…-hic-you're the only friend I have in the place, y'know that? -hic- I mean, I think the Superior only keeps me here so I can bear his children if he's about to get his ass kicked by Sora…_again_. -hic- Between you and -hic- me…" Larxene's eyes shifted around, checking to see if anyone was watching. Everyone was, but in her wasted state she failed to notice them. "I -hic- think he's…GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…"

Roxas patted Larxene's head, desperate to get away from the drunk sadist. "It's alright, Larxene. I'm sure the Superior's just trying to…confirm himself." Larxene shook her head, scattering small bolts of electricity everywhere. "Nuh-hic-uh…he sneaks into your room and -hic- sniffs your underwear while you're asleep…" Roxas's jaw hit the floor as this horrible piece of information reached his ears. He made a mental note to put a mousetrap in his drawer for next time.

Xigbar sighed. "Well, since the little dudette's as washed out as a beach bum and the bottle's almost tapped, how 'bout we play something else?" "I know!" said Roxas, pushing Larxene off him. "How about 7 Minutes in Heaven?"

Startix raised an eyebrow. "What in the name of my brush is that?" "It's a real fun game. You see, two people go into a closet, and for seven full minutes, they can do whatever they want in there." Widened eyes followed the young Nobody's proposition. "Look," said Roxas. "Lemme give you an example. If, say Axel and I were to go into the closet, (Axel turned red as his hair at this) we'd be able to do ANYTHING until the seven minutes were up."

Startix raised his hand as though he were in a classroom. "Question, Startix?" "Uh, yeah, hi, listen, when you say 'anything', does everything implied follow that word?" Roxas shrugged. "Sure, I guess. So who goes in first?" Axel and Xigbar grinned. "We can decide by playing our favorite game…" seethed Axel. "Yeah. Roxas-Scissors-Paper!" shouted Xigbar.

Fear ran through the Key of Destiny's non-heart. "Uh, guys? M-maybe we could d-d-decide another way…" He suddenly jumped up and tried to run away when Xigbar appeared in front of him, tripping him. "Goddamn you, Xigbar!"

**Several seconds later…**

With the speed that could only be in fanfiction (and some anime, manga and videogames), Roxas was strapped to a cross, Axel had his two of his Keyblades, Ghostface and Oblivion in his hands and Xigbar had shifted the gravity into a wavering, paper-like material. "Ready, Xig?" "Ready, Ax." "Damn the both of you!" cried Roxas, struggling against the wooden structure. "Quiet, little blade-boy. Victims don't complain. Now say it!"

"Make me!" "Okay. Say it or I'll shoot you up so bad you'll look like Swiss cheese when I'm done!" "And I'll cook you like a hardboiled egg."

Groaning, the young Nobody said, "Roxas…"

"Scissors…" said Axel, raising the Keyblades high over his head, holding them like scissors.

"PAPER!!" yelled Xigbar, slamming the manifested gravity against their quarry. At the same time, Axel swung the Keyblades against his friend.

KATHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!

Smoke, dust and debris flew from where Roxas was. When it cleared, he was still attached to the cross, dazed and scared out of his fucking mind, but alive (that is to say, not sucked back to darkness).

Axel and Xigbar grinned as they appeared from nowhere. "Okay, little dude, you're up! And just to make things fun, Larxene's going in with you, too!" "**_WHAT!?_**" Xigbar grabbed the cross Roxas was tied to and threw him into the closet. Axel brought the drunken Larxene to her feet and pushed her in after him. Xigbar shut the door and pulled out a pocketwatch from out of nowhere. "And now, we wait."

Demyx and Startix looked at the two in shock. "You…" shuddered Startix. "Are pure evil." "So? We all were at one point, right?" Suddenly, several loud banging sounds could be heard from the closet. "Larxene! What are you…wait, WAIT, _WAIT_!! That's not kosher, I…oh…ah…wow…Mmm..." Demyx, Axel, Startix and Xigbar all turned dark shades of red as they heard these sounds. Either Larxene was a fast learner when it came to 7 Minutes in Heaven, or she was sober and taking out her frustration (and her monstrous hangover) out on the first thing she could touch, namely Roxas.

When the seven minutes were up, Roxas stepped out, miraculously free from the cross, his clothes in tatters and a hickey on his neck and left leg. He was twitching uncontrollably and jumped a foot in the air when he heard the slightest noise. "Whenever I hear thunder again," he said, his voice shaky. "I'll always think of this. Demyx, I don't know how you deal with this."

Then, without warning, he fell to the ground, unconscious. Startix got up, looking thoroughly freaked out. "Okay. Now that we've seen Larxene's dominative side, I'm going to turn in. I suggest you guys do the same before Xemnas inquires as to why Larxene has _tagged_ our worst enemy's other." He twirled his brush in the air and disappeared in a blast of paint.

Demyx, Axel and Xigbar all looked at each other, into the closet at the passed out Larxene, down at the unconscious Roxas and came to one conclusion.

"Bed."

**Late at night…**

Xigbar shivered in his bed as the cold air met him. Everyone from the Game Night From Hell was still in the castle but they were all asleep. Xigbar, however, had special needs when it came to going to sleep. For one, his guns had to be polished until they were shiny enough that he could see his reflection in them. Then his guns had to be read a bedtime story, but not any story, no. It absolutely, POSITIVELY, HAD TO BE 'Life and Time's of Plugg, the Littlest Firearm'. Then a series of other useless and ridiculous rituals had to be performed, such as placing his guns parallel on the nightstand at a 32 degree angle.

But now, Xigbar had a horrible, insatiable, undeniable craving. For what, you might be asking?

Magic Shell. Twix Magic Shell. He didn't even use ice-cream. He ate it FROM THE BOTTLE. So, Xigbar got up, and, grabbing Lil' Agitator (his right gun and yes, he could tell them apart) from it special resting place, he walked out of his room and down the hall to the kitchen. Once he got there, he reached for his chocolate affection, when a small, dark figure rushed past him.

Nervous, Xigbar whirled behind him and aimed his gun. When he saw Axel standing behind him, he sighed. "Damn it, man, don't scare me like that! For a sec I thought it was Scream." "Xigbar?" He turned to the kitchen door and gasped, as another Axel stepped in. Only this one was dressed in pajamas with little flames on them and a Roxas plushie clutched in his arm.

Xigbar stared at this in disbelief. "Please do not tell me that my other eye is going bad, too." The second Axel looked at the other and gasped. "Startix, are you using you Duos NoLess again, or am I high?!" _'Both, probably'_ thought Xigbar. 'Axel' laughed. "So, I was right! This is where Startix's hiding! Well, what do you expect? He can't hide from…"

'Axel' clapped his hands together and a wall of flame appeared around him. When it dissipated, in the place was a boy of about Roxas's height and possible age. His hair was spiked up with one large bang pointed up and to the left from the right part of his head. His eyes had no pupils and he was wearing the Organization's cloak. In his right hand was a long, light blue staff.

"…me, the one 'n' only Nexas!!" Axel held out his hands and welcomed the cold metal of his chakram. "I don't know how you got in here, but I sure as hell know how you're getting out!" One of his chakram became enveloped in flame and he threw it at the young boy named Nexas. He merely smirked and turned his head towards the chakram. It stopped short in midair and the flames fizzled out as if by water. It then fell to the ground with a loud clink.

Axel gasped and stepped back. "What in name of Jupiter's balls did you do to my chakram!?" "I stopped it, smart one. Now, where's Startix? I have a score to settle with him."

BANG!!

Nexas dodged to the side, narrowly missing the bullet Xigbar just shot at him. "Back off, Frauléin!!" "Frauléin, Xiggy-boy? That's the best you could come up with?" He held out his staff and it shifted into a complete copy of one of Xigbar's guns. "HAVE AT THEE, ONE-EYED ONE!!!"

**In Larxene/Startix's Room…**

The blonde woman awoke to the sound of explosions, swears and…a mayonnaise jar opening? How she could hear that, no one (not even me) knows. Although, this meant one thing.

They disturbed Larxene's sleep, and that meant five little words.

There was hell to pay.

So, grabbing her cloak and her knives, she swished out of the door ready to deliver some electric torture.

**Back in the kitchen…**

Axel was preparing a tuna sandwich while this mysterious entity, Nexas, and Xigbar were fighting like animals. Every now and then, a bullet would fly across and nearly hit him, only for it to disappear suddenly. Larxene scowled and walked over to him. "Hey, fire-boy! In case you haven't noticed, there's a fight going on in front of you, ya know!" Axel turned to her, pausing his sandwiching.

"Yeah, I know. But believe me, I tried to stop him." "And you didn't try a second time because?" "I didn't want to get my ass kicked?" She frowned. "Be that as it may, this freak-for-all here has ruined my sleep! I demand you get off your butt and do something about it!" Axel slammed down his fists on the counter. "Y'know, last time I checked, _I_ was _your_ superior."

Larxene whipped out four of her thunder kunai. "And last time I checked, you were getting thrown around by Sora." She pointed at the fighting Xigbar and Nexas. "Fix. This." Axel threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine." Then his eyes watered and he started sniffling. "But, if I die, who will take care of poor Roxas? I'm the only one who can cook his food without sending it to oblivion, turning it into a chrysanthemum or freezing it solid. And who will he confide in on those long, lonely nights? Larxene, I guess you'll have to take over—"

"XIGBAR!! PSYCHO BOY!!" Axel smiled in a cat-like way to himself. _'Check and mate.'_ Both of them froze in midair, Nexas's staff just about to hit Xigbar and one of his guns shoved into Nexas's forehead. Larxene raised her hands for order. "Alright, listen. Since Xemnas is out, doing God knows what, I'm in charge. You! Boy! Over here!" Like lightning, Nexas rushed over to her. Larxene held up three fingers.

"I have three questions and I expect three answers. Question one: who are you?" Nexas grinned and struck a pose. "I have many names. The Telepathic High. The IQ Zoom. But you, ma'am, may call me, Nexas, the Psycho Boost!" Larxene frowned. "You've got some serious power-trip issues. Question two: how in the name of overpriced nori did you get in here?"

Nexas's grin widened. "I warped in. You guys really need to up your security systems." Larxene nodded with mock thought. "Okay. Last question: what do you want written on your tombstone?" "What?" "You realize when Xemnas finds out someone broke in here, he'll kill you in such a way that Saïx would be proud. I hope you know this." Nexas burst out laughing. "Please! I could take down Xemnas with one hand tied behind my back and half my staff!"

Larxene smiled and turned Nexas around, where he was met with a fuming, irritated, pissed-off (oh hell, you get the idea) Xemnas. "WHAT. IS. THIS." Larxene patted Nexas's head and smiled brightly. ""Have fun!" And she warped out, along with the snickering pair of Axel and Xigbar.

**One furious brawl later…**

Nexas was lying on the floor, near-death. Xemnas was standing over him with malice in his orange eyes. "Now, then, care to answer me something, little one?" "…Okay?" "Who are you and what is your business here?" "My name is Nexas, the Psycho Boost! And I am here to see Startix." "You rang?"

Both Xemnas and Nexas turned to see Startix leaning in the doorway, a smirk on his face. "Never thought I'd see you again, Nexas. Thought I was rid of you in the Pride Lands." Xemnas raised a silver eyebrow. "You two…know each other?" "Damn straight!" Nexas, suddenly revitalized, sprang to his feet and pointed at Startix. "It was NOT funny leaving me to die there with those freaking rabid hyenas!"

"Alright. So, why are you here?" "To join the Organization and to get my revenge!" "Hold on, time out here." Both boys turned to Xemnas. "You realize what you'd have to do to get into the Organization, right? There's an interview, a fighting exam, a test—" "I'm fully aware of what it takes, and I can take anything you dish out." Xemnas grinned evilly. "Very well. Startix, take our meat-I mean potential member-to the torture chamber-GUEST ROOM! I meant guest room."

Grinning wickedly, Startix opened a corridor of darkness and, taking a few seconds to glare at Startix, Nexas stepped in. "You really think he'll make it in, Superior?" "No. But I've been really bored lately." "That reminds me, what were you doing, boss?" At this question, Xemnas blushed and turned away. "N-nothing. Absolutely nothing." "…Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…is that a tattoo on your neck? What's it say…'Property of the Great Nin-'"

"Moving on!"

**The next day…**

Xemnas, Startix and Roxas were inside the Interviewing Room, waiting patiently for Nexas. "How long's it gonna take for him to get here?" Xemnas checked his watch. "Well, I woke him up at 3:30 so in about 3…2…1…"

----------**The Interview**----------

BANG!!

Nexas burst through the door, drenched in what I hope to the Author was water and looking EXTREMELY pissed. "What the **_FUCK_** was that?! I get woken up at 3:30 with a blindfold glued to my eyes and my staff gone! I have to trek through some freaking Doom-esque torture chamber (blind, mind you) to get to a giant spinning saw blade that cuts off my blindfold with me living, miraculously, and get my staff so I can change it into a hand and myself into a lockpick so I can pick the lock. _Then_ I had to escape this giant-ass boulder that nearly crushes me, then make it past some ice machine that nearly turns me into Sea-Salt Ice Cream bar! After that, some guy in go-go boots, tight leather pants, bleached skin and a fake nose kept grabbing my ass every six seconds!" Nexas continued to rant until he ran out of breath and fell to his knees.

"…You done, kid?" said Xemnas. "Yeah. Now what?" Xemnas snapped his fingers and a chair materialized out of nowhere and instantly seated Nexas. It then zoomed forward and stopped at the desk with Numbers I, Unofficial XIV and XIII seated at it. "Alright, next is your interview. First off, since your name already has an 'X' in it, we'll skip to the other parts. How long have you been a Nobody?"

His answer shocked the living nonexistence out of Xemnas and Roxas. "7,492 years!" "WHAT IN BLAZES?!" Nexas scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, I know I look like fourteen or something, but the psychic powers I got stopped me from growing. I have to bring my birth certificate with me whenever I go into a bar. Does that affect my membership?" _'Membership? It might affect our reputation, having someone this aged on our team. And I thought _Vexen _was old!!'_

"Alright, then. Explain to us your powers." "Psychic abilities and the power to shapeshift. Watch this." He punched his right fist into his open left palm and his form changed instantly. He had taken on the form of Cerberus, Hades' demented, red-lipped pet. "Altar of Naught, that's amazing! With that kind of skill, the Key Bearer wouldn't stand a chance!" Roxas smiled. "Alright, let's see how well he can fight."

----------**Fighting Test**----------

In the massively large Stadium That Never Was, Nexas and Roxas stood on opposite ends. Roxas had his Sleeping Lion and Oathkeeper Keyblades in his hands and a determined look on his face. Nexas was smiling evilly and had his staff at the ready. "Come 'ere, young man, I'm gonna bop you one!" (2) With a cry, Roxas rushed forward, bringing down both his Keyblades on Nexas's head. He flew back with tremendous force and skidded across the stadium.

Getting up, Nexas sneered at Roxas. "Eh, you ain't so tough, young man." Roxas soared across the stadium and shoved the tip of his Sleeping Lion Keyblade into Nexas's groin. He yelled in pain and fell to ground. Recovering, Nexas got up, ready. "That all you got, you son of a bitch? You're going down, young man." Unimpressed, Roxas began comboing Nexas like no tomorrow.

WHAM! A blow to the head!

WHAM! A swift slash in the chest!

WHAM! A downward plunge on his leg!

WHAM! A double slash on his back!

"You're goin' down!"

By now, Roxas was exhausted, so he decided to finish this up. He upperslashed Nexas into the air, leaped up and swirled in the air, swinging the Keyblades in a wheel-like fashion, cutting them into Nexas's flesh. With a defeated groan, he fell to the ground. Roxas landed neatly on the floor, panting and sweating with fatigue. Managing a weak smile, Roxas said, "Looks like the old guy couldn't keep up."

"Hey, what'd I miss?" Roxas looked behind him and gasped. He saw Nexas, a bag of popcorn, a pair of hotdogs, a large Coke cup and a few bags of chips in his arms. He had a sadistic grin on his face. "Had some fun with my Duos NoLess?" Roxas turned around to see the fading mass of the NoLess that had taken on Nexas's form.

"……………………Oh, you have got to be **_FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**" And with that, Roxas fell down, unconscious. Axel appeared from nowhere and picked up Roxas in his arms. "Nooooooooooooo! My precious, spiky-haired lover!! Now, don't you worry, Nurse Axel will take care of you!" And he vanished in a portal, leaving a very freaking confused Xemnas, Nexas and Startix. "Right then. In the weirdest way imaginable, you've completed your fighting test. You're next test is to infiltrate Larxene's room and steal something of hers that is valuable."

Nexas stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth and grinned. "Biece ah gake!" "Come again?" Nexas swallowed. "Piece of cake!"

----------**Thief Exam**----------

"Dun, dun, dun-dun dun dun dun-dun da da dun dun-dun, dun-dun, da da da, da da da…" (3) Nexas hummed evilly to himself as he snuck into Larxene's room. He scanned his pupil-less eyes over the room as he spotted what he wanted to take. A small yellow book with a padlock on the side and the words 'Larxene's Diary' written on it in black ink was his target. "Sweet."

Taking great care to make sure no one was watching him, his hands reached out slowly for the book, when…

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!?" _'Shit.'_ thought Nexas. He turned around to see Larxene glaring daggers (and holding them) at the Psycho Boost. "DROP. MY. **BOOK.**" "Not on your life, Nymphy!" He was about to snap his fingers to open a portal when a kunai flew threw the air and nailed his hand to Larxene's bed's headboard. "OW, FUCK!"

Larxene, bristling with electricity, stalked over to Nexas, her feet leaving crackling imprints in the carpeted floor. "**BOOK.**" she said in a gravely voice, holding her hands out. Larxene, however, forgot one very important factor with Nexas.

He was a telepathic.

WHAM!!!

A psychic blast threw Larxene back so hard that she flew threw the door and crashed into a passing Saïx. This also meant that Larxene's anger was molded into electricity beyond a tolerable level and shocked the Luna Diviner…painfully. Laughing maniacally, Nexas somehow managed to get the kunai out of his mutilated hand and dashed over the two furious Nobodies (Saïx's hair now looking like shredded paper).

"The Psycho Boost strikes again!" And he warped out of the room.

**Back with Startix and Xemnas…**

Nexas grinned brightly as he stepped back into the interview room and held up his prize. "Read it and weep, kiddos!!" He threw the book down on the large three-person desk. The two Nobodies gazed at the object in awe. "Larxene's Diary…it actually exists!!" whispered Startix. "How 'bout that, Superior? ……Superior?" But he was instead screaming happily into his phone. "See, Luxord? I told you! I expect the munny on my nightstand at no later than 10:00!"

And he clicked off the phone, an overjoyed smile on his face. He suddenly frowned when he saw that Nexas's hand was bleeding, and pretty badly at that. "What the hell happened to your—" "Don't ask. So, am I in?" Xemnas turned to Startix, who nodded. "Okay! You are now part of Organization XIII! …This is probably due for a name change now that you think about it."

**That night…**

**Xemnas's POV**

_Xemnas Report Number 16_

_And then it was fifteen. Now with the telepathic craze Nexas with us, our most evil, evilly plans of evil evil will undoubtedly be more…EVIL! Damn, I love that word. Anyway, I encountered something very amusing later today. Saïx has apparently been seeing Xaldin to fix his hair or was in a vicious argument with a blender. It has taken me great control to not burst out laughing and pointing at his mutilated locks, lest I desire for a repeat of what happened last time, where I woke up in the Land of the Dragons in a grey party dress covered in light blue powder and makeup on my face. _

_Straying from the strayed path, I am definitely certain that Nexas will prove to be effective in ridding us of the Key Bearer. _

**Out of Xemnas's POV**

"Nexas!" came Startix's distressed voice. "Get away from there! Vexen's gonna kill you if you break his stuff!" "Yeah, like I'm afraid of some pansy with no Nobodies!" CRASH! "Oops! That looked poisonous…" "You IDJIT!! Now it's on the fucking damn floor!" "Careful, blubber boy, it's seeping into your shoes!" "It is? OH, SHIT!"

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

"Oh, Jesus nipples! It's burning the bottom of my shoes! AIIEEEEEEEE!!!" "Damn, Startix, you've got _really_ frail skin."

'…_Aw, hush puppies.' _thought Xemnas. _'I better stop them before Vexen gets the bug zapper. Where is he anyway?' _

**In Demyx's Room…**

"For me?" said Demyx quizzically. "Yeah. It's to apologize for the smoothie thing from chapter five. Let's just let bygones be bygones." Demyx raised an eyebrow at Vexen's treaty, but pushed it out of his mind and drank down the beaker. He did not notice Vexen rubbing his hands together Mr. Burns style and licking his lips evilly. _'That's right, you waterlogged fool man. Drink your ultimate demise.' _

Once again, Demyx's stomach was churning like a faulty boiler. Grasping his abdomen, he ran to the bathroom.

"Nice try, waterboy! I locked the bathroom door!"

At this point, Vexen remembered two things.

One was that Demyx could teleport into the room.

Two was that Demyx can erode ice at a blinding speed when the situation calls for it…or he's pissed out of his shorts.

Question, readers: what element is Vexen?

The latter happened first. :3

* * *

(1) Quite obviously, Mountain Dew and sake mixed together. Highly recommend not trying this unless you have a strong gut or good health insurance. 

(2) Family Guy reference.

(3) The Mission Impossible theme, I know, I wrote it suckish.

I am the embodiment of evil. The last part was for those who were curious about the potion thing from the previous chapter. And sorry for taking so long, but I with Christmas vacation and my cousin being here, I've been a little preoccupied. That's why you're going to get two chapters! TFO, y'all!


	7. Of Lines, Love and Lame

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, yet the NoLess and Startix (and other OC's which may appear) are.

**Chapter Seven: Of Lines, Love and Lame**

Startix was in his room, painting a picture of the rising of Kingdom Hearts across the World That Never Was, when…

BANG!

Xigbar burst through the door, scaring the hell out of the young painter. "Bloody hell, Number II! What's the big idea?!" "Brace yourself, little dude! The two of us have got a mission for the day! It's off to Twilight Town with us!" "Pass." said Startix, picking up his painting tools. As he walked out the door, Xigbar smirked. "Too bad, 'cause it involves a lot of picking off…" "I'm in!"

**In the Gummi Ship…**

"I really don't see why we have to fly this environmental hazard when we could teleport. Worse yet, Twilight Town is practically next freakin' door! We could walk!" "Through those endless voids filled with Heartless ships and 'environmental hazards'?" replied Xigbar. "Point taken." "Exactly. Plus, walking isn't as much fun as doing this!" "Doing wha—AAAAAAAAH!"

Xigbar had twisted the steering wheel in such a way it was surprising that it wasn't ripped off. This caused the Gummi Ship to do a wicked 360 turn for a full two minutes. When the ship regained control, Startix was a sickly pale green, Xigbar looking fine. "If I wasn't violently ill, I'd fucking kill you for that." And with that, he crashed and fell onto the floor.

**At Twilight Town…**

With the Wonder fixed and Xigbar laughed out (and his license revoked) the two landed in the Station Plaza. Xigbar teleported out with a big grin on his face. "Here we are! Twilight Town! World of mystery, 'birthplace' of the Nobodies!" "And if you drive like that one more time, your grave." said Startix, stepping out of the ship, clutching his stomach.

"You never really told me what this mission was about." A twinkle shined in Xigbar's eye. "It's simple, my artistically gifted friend. I am going to teach you to pick up women!"

Far, far, far, far, faaaaaaaaaaaar away, an easel creaked.

"Xigbar, when you fade, I'm going to have a picnic on your grave. With fried chicken and potato salad. And maybe coleslaw, if I'm hungry. But I WILL be hungry." "Aw, c'mon, dude! Picking up chicks is the one thing all men know! …Except for Marluxia. …He picks up plants." "Does Xemnas even know about this?" Another twinkle.

**Back in the Castle…**

Xemnas rubbed the sleep from his eyes and made his way to the Dining Quarters of Nonexistence (he was trying new names for all the rooms in the Castle). His arm reached for the refrigerator handle when he spotted a small note scribbled in Xigbar's handwriting.

'_Dear Xemmy,_

_Gone with Startix to do Sora Recon in Twilight Town. Back whenever.'_

_Guns and Roses, (1) _

_Xigbar_

_P.S., My Michelle ROX! Whooo!_

"Okay…" muttered the Superior. Disregarding the note, he quickly made himself a bowl of Fruit Loons (with Marluxia and Roxas marshmallows! Yayz!). Then Xemnas suddenly stopped. "Wait…I thought Sora was on vacation in Traverse Town…"

**Back, back at Twilight Town…**

"Alright, little man, lesson one in picking up women. You've gotta make the first move. And to do that, you need to send them a visual message, like a hand signal. Watch." Conveniently, a gorgeous woman was walking towards the two. Xigbar, the chauvinist bastard he is, flashed her a grin and clicked of his tongue.

She flashed him a hand sign of her own. Tweet.

Scowling, Xigbar ignored that. Startix tried not to laugh. "Okay, so that didn't go so well. Moving on. The next lesson is catcalling." "Xigbar, I'm more of a dog person." Smacking his pupil on the head was Xigbar's response. "Not as in calling cats, kid! I mean fancy whistles! Watch." _'This'll be good.'_ Another woman was walking by and Xigbar, the sniper he is, picked off his target.

"♪Whoo—♪" Before Xigbar could even finish, the Freeshooter was smacked in the gun trigger (you know where) by her handbag. Crumpling to the floor, he groaned in agony. "M-moving on…medic."

After Xigbar had a couple Potions in him, it was time for the final lesson.

"Pickup lines!" "…Xigbar, didn't you learn from your last two attempts?" "'Ignore the venture, gain nothing.' That's a Chinese riddle for ya." (2) Sighing the young painter resigned himself to his fate. "Okay, okay…what have you got?" "Startix, pickup lines are one of the most important, if not the most important factors of snagging women. A perfect line will have you set!"

Startix crossed his arms. "But Xigbar, aren't pickup lines pathetic and a desperate move for desperate men to get into other women's pants? Furthermore, aren't they insulting to a woman's intelligence?" Xigbar scowled. "Who're you, Dr. Phil?" (3) Another woman (where are they coming from?!) was walking by and Xigbar, the fool he is, put his devious plan into action.

"Hey, lady, are you a parking ticket, 'cuz you've got fine written all over you." It was then that Xigbar got a closer look at the woman.

She was a brunette.

A _tall_ brunette.

By the name of Tifa.

**One deserving beating later…**

Startix was wrapping up several of Xigbar's wounds and affixing a steak to his eye. "Alright…that didn't work so well. But I think you've got the gist of it, right dude? …Dude? C'mon, that's not funny, I'm freaking blind here!"

**Later…**

Startix was sitting on the top of the clock tower. If Xigbar somehow managed to get the steak off his eye and find him, one of two things would happen. He would get shot up from all corners of the world, or pushed off the tower to his grisly death. One or the other. "Out of all the things I've done, letting Xigbar drag me into this pathetic last-minute whoreup was the worst. This actually beats that one thing that I did with the stick of leek and the bug zapper."

A laugh was heard behind him and he whirled around, his brush glowing with paint. "Who's there?" And Startix came face-to-face with Naminé, a young girl with blonde hair, sky-blue eyes and a long white dress. _'Am I dead?'_ thought the Wonder. "Well, it's been a while since I last saw someone here." she said in a soothing voice. Startix felt the void where his heart should've been filling with a kind of embracing warmth.

"So, who are you? I've never seen you here before." "The name's Startix." Naminé giggled. "What?" "Nothing, it's just that that's a funny name." "Oh, really? What's your name, then?" "Naminé." Surprisingly, Startix couldn't think of a clever retort.

Also surprisingly, Startix recalled hearing that name somewhere.

**Flashback**

Xemnas was instructing the newest member of the Organization of the most dangerous thing they've encountered.

"A girl? Xemnas, I swear, you have issues." Xemnas' eyes flashed. "YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SUPERIOR. IS. THAT. CLEAR?" "Yes, o-of course, Superior." squeaked Startix. "Beware of this girl, Naminé. She is evil and has the power to manipulate memories. She will also try to make you turn her back so she can eat out the back of your neck!" "…I find it hard to believe that a small girl could do this. And Marluxia said that you tried to ra—"

"Marluxia is a FOOL! You have as much reason to believe him as you do Naminé! Just promise to me that you will stay far, FAR away from Naminé. Got it memorized?" "…Got it memorized. By the way, Axel's behind you." "SUPERIOR! WERE YOU USING MY CATCHPHRASE AGAIN?! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE OUR BOSS, NO ONE SEZ 'GOT IT MEMORIZED' BUT ME!"

Xemnas picked up a lot of ointment after that particular incident.

**End Flashback**♥

'_But she seems like such a sweet girl…'_ "Any reason why you're staring at me like that?" smirked Naminé. Flushing red, Startix averted his gaze. "No reason." "Hey…I recognize that cloak! You're with the Organization!!" "You know them?" "You bet I do! SORA! RIKU!" In exactly two seconds, the five points of the Ultima Weapon and the sharp tip of the Road to Dawn Keyblades were pressed into his back.

"Once false move and you're going down, shrimpy!" said Riku.

Then Riku felt the large point of Startix's EX Berserker NoLess' axe press against his back and seven Dusks surrounded Sora. "And if you move, then you're going down." "THERE YOU ARE!!!" Four heads turned in the direction of the shout. Xigbar was stalking over to a certain terrified painter, guns raised. He pointed both of them at Startix.

"If anyone is going down, it's art-boy here!"

A cold wind blew across the clock tower as Demyx (who had appeared out of nowhere because I will it) strummed a spaghetti-style Western theme on his sitar. "Wow, the first Kingdom Hearts Mexican standoff! Sweet." "SHUT UP, DEMYX!!" yelled the five.

"Me and the dead artist here are outta here, so no problems, 'K?" Sora and Riku scowled but lowered their weapons. The Dusks and EX Berserkers disappeared, then Xigbar and Startix.

**The World That Never Was**

"GODDAMN YOU, STARTIX!!! DIDN'T YOU REMEMBER THE FUCKING FLASHBACK?! FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUUUUUCK, THIS IS NOT GOOD! YOU HAVE MADE CONTACT WITH NAMINÉ! **FUCK!** I SHOULD **KILL** YOU! I MEAN, YOU TECHNICALLY DON'T EXIST, BUT **STILL!!!!!** **NOW** WE ARE **REALLY** SCREWED!" Xemnas continued ranting and rambling and chewing Startix out.

"Xemmy, could you just can the charade? Look, Starry, Naminé is not evil. At one point, Xemnas took her to repair the chain of memories in his heart. That, unfortunately, led to our worst game. I wasn't in it!!" (4) "Xigbar, are _you_ done rambling?" "Rambling? As if. All I'm trying to tell you, bro, is that Xemmy here is nucking futs!"

"**SILENCE, II AND XIV!!!!! YOU!**" Xemnas jabbed a long, tan finger at Startix. "When I am done with you, you're going to REALLY wish you don't exist!" "…But I already don't, smart one." "**AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!**"

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Xemnas fell to the ground, three fresh holes poked into his side. Xigbar lowered his guns and they dissipated in flashes of purple. "You're lucky my eye is recovering or I could've let him kill you." Xigbar then walked over to Xemnas' unconscious body, knelt down and began sprinkling a white powder over him. "WTF are you doing?!" shrieked his accomplice.

"What does it look like? If everyone thinks that he was cracking the pipe, then we get off scot-free." "…And…do you always carry crack in your coat pocket?" "We shall speak of this no more." replied the Freeshooter. Startix would've said something but his mind wandered somewhere else. His thoughts had turned to that of the blonde angel Naminé.

"Nobody to art-boy, here! Wake up, little bro!" Startix snapped out of his trance. "What, Xigbar?" But now he was smiling sadistically. "You were thinking about Naminé, weren't you?" Turning red once more, he turned away. "N-no I wasn't!" "I guess my teachings got through to you, huh?" "_Your_ teachings? Puh-lease! You couldn't teach seven year-olds to do arts and crafts!"

"Them's is fightin' words, Arty! You wanna go?" "With pleasure, Highclops!"

And the two left, leaving Xemnas unconscious in his room.

**Sometime later…**

Axel peered in and snickered at Xemnas' still unconscious form. "I've been waiting all of my not-life for this!" Axel took out a Sharpie marker and scribbled on Xemnas' face. When he was done, written on his forehead was 'Property of Aerith Gainsborough'.

Axel dashed out of the room laughing his ass off.

(1) Xigbar's equivalent to hugs and kisses.

(2) Chappelle's Show reference. My mom always says this when I don't feel like doing anything.

(3) First off, they are. People are acting like women are arcade games on legs! Second, if you believe this, paste this into your profile. Or not, whatever you want.

(4) While I played it and liked it somewhat, I can say that it was the worst one in the serious. Frickin' card battle system.

Once more, sorry for being late. I gotta update more often. The next chapter, another member will show up! Where are they all coming from, and why hasn't Xemnas changed the name? And yes, there will be involvements between Startix and Naminé. Just keep on the out look.


	8. Interude Attitude

**Disclaimer: **Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, only the name's/stuff you don't recognize~

Chapter 8: Interude Attitude

**Morning: The Castle That Never Was (Yet Is Anyway)  
**

Nexas was walking nonchalantly through the halls of TCTNW, singing to himself. It was something he liked to do while contemplating how to destroy Startix.

Gotta stay busy, right? And what pray tell was he singing? You figure it out.

"Brain wave, main wave, psycho got a high kick—"

"Collect and select, show me your best set." came a chirpy female voice.

Nexas froze, nervously looking for the source. "Huh." he said, turning back. "Must just be my imagination." He went back to singing. "Crystals, blisters, it's all over now—"

"Psycho cane, you're so keen, need more candy canes." came the voice again.

Nexas whirled around again, looking more scared. "Okay, seriously, what the hell!?" There was no response and he expected none. "Damned castle." he mumbled, continuing his walk. "All the white freaking plays tricks on you. Cold cake, cold break, freak got a high kick—"

"Mr. Twister, moist with roistering—"

"Okay, that's fucking IT!" Nexas summoned his staff and waved it around the empty corridor. "Show yourself, song-stealer!!"

Silence.

A split-second later, a dart struck him in the back of the neck. He fell to the ground with a loud crunch, unconscious. Another moment later, blood pooled around his head.

* * *

"Gentlemen, we have a problem."

Axel, Demyx, Roxas, Zexion and Xigbar turned to Startix, who was seated at the end of the table, eyes lowered in seriousness. They were all gathered in the Chamber of Sloth, seated at the massive table in the middle of the room.

"We're out of Mallomars?" asked Demyx nervously.

"No, Demyx, we are not out of—"

"Oh, God, we ARE, aren't we!?" He began crying exaggeratedly. "I don't wanna live in a castle without Mallomars!"

"Demyx, if you would just—"

"I can't even make it through a morning without them!" he wailed, flailing his hands about in a style that would caramelize Jack from Will & Grace.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" hollered Startix, standing up and brandishing his giant paintbrush at the blubbering Nocturne's face. "So help me god, Demyx, if you interrupt me one more time, I'll send you to Guantanamo Bay! Oh, the boys'll love you there!"

Demyx sniffled. "Do they have Mallomars?"

"Nope. Nothing but cock-meat sandwiches year-round, boychick."

"…What're those?"

"Piss me off again, you'll find out."

Demyx went silent.

"Now, then." Startix sat down. "Our problem. It appears we have a pig in our truffle patch."

Silence.

"Come again?" quizzed Zexion, cocking his eyebrow.

"We have a fly on our wall."

"...Um..."

Startix sighed and rubbed his temples. "There is a strip of bacon in our seafood salad."

"…I'm…not…I-I don't…" stammered Zexion.

"Do I have a speech impediment?" snapped Startix, twirling his brush. "Do I have peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth? Is there an invisible glass wall between you and me muffling my voice? Look, look, I'll say it in words even you guys could understand." Startix took a deep breath. "We…have…someone…in…the…castle…that…should…not…be…here…"

A loud, enlightened 'oh' went around the table.

"Wait, how do you know that?" asked Roxas.

"Oh. Simple. I set up cameras in every single visible point in the castle."

A cold chill suddenly befell the hall.

"Does…" squeaked Demyx. "Does Larxene know?"

Startix laughed. "Does she know? Demy, it was her idea!"

The hall became even colder.

* * *

"SAїX! SAїX!!" Xigbar pounded on the Luna Diviner's door. "We've got a problem, dude!"

The door flew open, nearly slamming into the shooter's head. Saїx towered there like a gothic clock, cloaked in a malevolent aura, golden eyes blazing with the intent to kill. Dark clouds gathered around his window, thunder booming and lightning crackled, showing his currently spiky shadow. He clenched his fists and glared down, the temperature dropping at least 90 degrees. In a menacing, wolf-like snarl capable of sending Jack the Ripper into catatonia, Number VII voiced his irritation in a single word.

"WHAT."

Xigbar cringed and inched back several meters. "Um, Xemnas needs to see you for something."

Instantly, Saїx's mood changed. The clouds disappeared and his shadow was replaced with a bird of paradise. Sun shone through his windows and birds flocked to his windowsill, chirping a song as his eyes lit up like a Christian schoolgirl's. He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?" he said, bouncing up and down. "Tell him I'll be there in a few minutes, I need to fix my hair." Mumbling about split ends and spit curls, Saїx went back into his room, leaving Xigbar thoroughly fucking stunned.

"I've gotta stop drinking." he said, putting on a pair of blood-red earmuffs. He clicked a button on the right muff and sighed happily as Mastodon blared into his ears, Cut You Up With A Linoleum Knife screaming out. He summoned his guns and teleported to the shooting range, whistling along.

* * *

Nexas was still unconscious.

* * *

"So who's the intruder?" asked Axel, pretending to look interested but was instead wondering exactly how much pudding Roxas' ass could take.

Startix narrowed his eyes. "You don't know her."

"Oh, it's a girl?" said Demyx, brightening. "That makes things easier."

"Said the kid who hauled ass from a dog."

"It had THREE HEADS! How many more times do I need to say it?!"

"'It had three heads, it had three heads, wah, wah, wah'—would you grow a pair!?" hissed Startix. "Axel over here BLEW HIMSELF UP! And Roxas took down I dunno know how many Heartless in the space of a secret ending timeframe and all you had to do was steal a fancy gold disk!"

Demyx hung his head in shame.

"So it's a girl, what's the deal?" asked Roxas.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE!!" yelled Startix, slamming his fist on the table. "Picture this: the worst nightmare you've ever had, here in this room. Roxas, imagine Axel topping you."

Said Key of Destiny spit out a large gulp of punch he was just drinking. "W-w-what are you talking about!? Topping me in what!?"

"Topping your high score in Mrs. Pac-man, you oblivious little—topping you in sex, you dim-bulb!!"

Everyone suddenly realized at this moment that Startix spending most of his time with Larxene was having an effect on his personality. He was slowly becoming like her: snappy, bitter, sarcastic, quick to hurt Demyx's feelings…

It was creepy; it was like asexual reproduction.

The lights suddenly clicked out, covering the castle in total darkness. A loud, high-pitch, 8 year-old girl scream rang out. It took a few moments to realize it was Demyx.

"WHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?!!?!?!?!!?!?" screamed Demyx busting Zexion's eardrum, causing him to pass out.

"If I wasn't so FUCKING SURE you would die or go to sleep, I'd beat you senseless, Demyx! SHUT THE HELL UP!!" He shut the hell up.

Startix snapped his fingers and several Gummi NoLess appeared, bowing, their silhouettes barely visible in the darkness. "Two of you, take Zexion to his room and try and wake him up as hard as possible. I mean it; stab him if you have to." They responded with a series of gurgles and clicks. "The rest of you, find anyone who's sleeping in the castle, wake them up and for the LOVE OF JENOVA'S NIPPLES, KEEP. THEM. AWAKE."

"Why?" asked Axel, looking worried in the darkness.

"Cause if you don't I'll violate you with a wine bottle and a jar of mayonnaise. Tout de suite!!" he yelled, clapping his hands and disappearing.

* * *

Saїx teleported into Xemnas grand hall, flattening down a stray hair. "You requested my presence, sir?"

Xemnas turned to Saїx and the blue-haired man gasped.

Where his face used to be was a hole; a large gaping hole that looked like an ice-cream scoop to his face.

"S-s-Superior?" stuttered Saїx.

Thick, green slime oozed from the hole, pouring down across the floor. Splotches of red appeared across the slime, growing larger. It shocked Saїx when he realized it was blood. The drops quickly turned into small copies of Xemnas face, grotesquely distorted and warped.

"WHY, SAїX…?" they said in harsh, raspy voices that peeled the paint off the walls. "JUDAS…"

Saїx backed up, only to be met with wall. He looked up to see that the door had disappeared, as though it was wall ever since. "What the--!?"

He turned around to see the blood-faces, floating up and moving towards him. "TREASON…" they rasped. Saїx sunk to the floor, sweating nervously. "What are you talking about!?"

"YOU BETRAYED ME…" the croaked, moving ever closer. "YOU KILLED ME…"

Saїx looked shocked, curling up on the floor. "What!?" he said. "I did nothing of the sort!"

"JUDAS…" the faces moaned, surrounding him from every angle.

"I didn't betray you!" he wailed, covering his ears.

"LIAR…"

"BETRAYER…"

"YOU KILLED ME…"

"TREASON…"

"WHY…?"

"WHY DID YOU KILL ME…?"

"EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU…"

"I MADE YOU MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND…"

"TRAITOR…"

"LIAR…"

"YOU DESERVE TO DIE…"

"DIE AND BECOME NOTHING…"

Saїx was hugging his knees to his chest now, pupils shrinking. "SHUT UP!" he said, banging his head against the wall. "I WOULD NEVER BETRAY YOU!!"

"LIES…"

"YOU LIE…"

"BETRAYER…"

"JUDAS…"

"TREASONOUS FOOL…"

"LIES…LIES…LIES…"

Saїx's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell to the ground, blood dribbling from his eyes.

* * *

Larxene. Was. Pissed. Which could only mean one thing. There was hell to pay………for Demyx.

You'd think being a cold, ruthless killer with electric powers would make her adaptable in the dark, right? Turns out, no. No, it doesn't.

"GODAMMIT!!" she cursed again, tripping over another easel. That art brat would be the death of her. She stepped gingerly around the easel, only to trip over a color wheel.

"FUCK!" she yelled, kicking it out of the way, only to stub her toe against yet another easel.

Larxene's stream of curses carried up to the top of the castle, causing Xaldin, who was polishing his lances, to twitch uneasily.

* * *

Nexas was still unconscious.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Gummi NoLess were at a loss. They were desperately trying to wake Zexion up and, in accordance with their master's wishes, had tried nearly everything: asphyxiation, beating him with a bat, beating a bat with him, stabbing him under the lung, cutting his wrists (which seemed to cause him to twitch a bit), snipping off a lock of his hair, putting a grasshopper in his mouth, et cetera, et cetera. Finally, they had only one other option.

Blowing him up.

They had went down to Axel's room and had stolen at least 57 lbs. worth of C4 from his dresser drawer and had piled it all around the knocked out scholar. They held out a match and poised it over him, when…

"What the HELL are you doing!?" screamed Startix, smashing down the door. "I wanted you to wake him up, not turn the castle into Wolf Creek!!"

The NoLess mumbled sheepishly and began gathering up the C4.

Roxas, who had accompanied Startix, sighed. "I still don't see why we need to make sure no one's sleeping. So they'll get a few bad dreams, so what?"

"This is more than just a 'few bad dreams', Key-Head. (Roxas raised his eyebrows at the comment) We're dealing with something worse than Freddy, Jason, Chucky and Leprechaun combined."

"Miley Cyrus?"

"WORSE."

Roxas gasped. Now he was scared.

He snapped his fingers and three Samurai Nobodies appeared. "Just tell us what we need to do."

"……Find Larxene."

"WHAT!?"

"Trust me, I have a plan."

"And Larxene fits into this plan……how?"

"Like how you fit into Axel's bum like a goddamned jigsaw piece—ARE YOU WAITING FOR A WRITTEN INVITATION!? GO! GO! GO!"

Waving them out with his brush, Roxas and his subordinates disappeared through a large corridor of darkness.

* * *

Lexaeus was……perturbed…to say the least. He had just finished a workout when the lights clicked out, interrupting his bodybuilding. Sighing, he lit a candle and left the gym. He planned to stop by Saїx's room for some mineral water, but when he got to his room, he was met with the sight of the Luna Diviner curled into a ball on his gothic bed, crying blood, barely illuminated by the flickering flame.

"………"

The axe-wielder said nothing, but raised his tomahawk and slammed the hilt into Saїx's head.

He awoke with a loud yell and whirled his head around the room, finally noticing the Silent Hero.

"Are you okay?" he said, still uneasy about VII's condition.

Saїx reached forward and pressed his hand against the large man's face, moving it about. He made Lexaeus VERY uncomfortable; pinching his nose, prodding his cheeks, even sticking his finger into his mouth.

"What ARE you doing?" the redhead said, surprise and confusion evident.

"No…hole…" Saїx said. He chuckled, then it turned into snickers, then finally erupted into full on hysterical laughter.

"NO HOLE!" He leapt up into Lexaeus' arms and began kissing his face all over. "NO HOLE! NO HOLE NO HOLE NO HOLE NO HOLE NO HOLE!!"

Lexaeus was going to ask his psychiatrist for a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig refund.

* * *

"Laaaaaaaaaaaarxeeeeeeeeeeeeeene!" called Roxas, the hallway barely illuminated by his light element. "Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarxeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeene!!" Roxas sighed as he slumped his head. "This stinks." he mumbled. "Why do I have to be the one to look for her?"

Roxas flinched and clenched his Keyblades as a small figure dashed across the hall. "Who's there!?" he yelled. The Samurai Nobodies drew their swords and readied their sheaths. "Who's there!?" he barked again.

No response.

Hissing angrily, Roxas formed a ball of light in his hand and spread it throughout the hall. He gasped and choked a little when he saw what was standing before him. Topping the ceiling, making sickening squelching sounds, was a giant Axel………………made ENTIRELY. OUT. OF. PENISES.

Blood erupted from Roxas' nose and he fell to the ground, X's where his eyes should be.

* * *

Nexas was still unconscious.

**to be continued.........or not. I'll sleep on it~**

* * *

Before I go off into my usual rant/intro into the next chapter, I would like to thank **Wolf'sRainLover123** for inspiring me to continue this sickeningly hellish nightmare. Without that random, crazy happenouttatheblue comment, doubt I would've gone on with this. Again, many, MANY thanks, Wolf, and stay frosty~!^^

Okay, here we go~strange(er) things are happening around the castle and they can only get worse~from giant penis gods to Saїx crying like a bitch, one can only pray for a little bit of normalcy in this giant male-lita deathtrap~stay tuned for the next chapter of INO XIV. Comments are welcomed, flames ignored, yadda, yadda, yadda, input is greatly appreciated, OCs welcomed, blah, blah, blah...okay, I think we're done here~

Madness has returned after a long, long, LONG vacation, folks. Fasten your seatbelts and ready that iodine~ l3

And again, thank's Wolf'sRain~!! -hugs-


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